Drown
by KissingPink
Summary: Hermione Granger, now a trained psychotherapist, found a niche in the Wizarding world that was desperately needed after the war. She'd treated a number of people, but it was Severus Snape who needed her help the most. SSHG. Post Hogwarts. In Progress. There will be #feels and lots of hurt/comfort.
1. I - Shrink

_Disclaimer; Just borrowing the Wizarding World from J.K Rowling for a while._

 _A/N: SS/HG fic. M rated. This is my HP fic so let's see how we go..._

 **I**

 _'People in general are emotional creatures. Feeling happy, sad, angry, and scared is normal, and these emotions are part of what makes us human. At times, however, these emotions - particularly the negative ones - can be overwhelming and take on a life of their own. Change, grief, sorrow, heartbreak, and loss can trigger a whole host of unfamiliar and confusing emotions and behaviours. The process trying to overcome these can be so emotionally messy and complicated that some fail to recover from it sufficiently enough to make good choices for themselves.'_

Dr Hermione Granger knew all of this first hand and she liked to think she had made very good choices for herself.

Hermione sat in her office on her 27th birthday, which was also an anniversary of sorts because a year ago she was given access to the very first and only psychologist clinic in wizarding Britain which was based in St Mungo's. It took a lot of hard work to get it there, but get it there she did. Her office was pretty sizeable, it wasn't as big as Harry's at the Ministry, but it was perfect for Hermione. Each of the 4 walls was lined with books from floor to ceiling. She even had a heavy duty rolling library ladder, preferring to find her books the muggle way (and secretly Hermione always wanted one ever since she'd seen Beauty and the Beast as a child). The ceiling was enchanted, just like Hogwarts' ceiling and that carried throughout her clinic. That was the best thing about creating her work space. She was given free reign to make it as comfortable as possible for her patients.

Minerva helped her a lot of the time but Filius also nipped in on numerous occasions to help her with the more difficult charms. The room she treated her patients was quite similar to the room of requirement. The idea is that when the patient walks into the room their mood can mix with the magic and create a space that is welcoming and comfortable for them to easily relax in without it being triggering. It worked incredibly well so far.

Hermione smiled to herself at the memory when the room transformed into a giant sand pit today. Her 46 year old client (who was related in some way to Professor Sinistra) and Hermione sat for an hour building sand castles while they spoke during their session. That was the kind of thing that room could do.  
She poured herself a glass of white wine and toasted to herself. "365 days." She kicked off her heels and draped herself over one of the couches she had in her office and looked up into the enchanted ceiling sky, which was beautifully clear tonight.

She'd stayed late. Well, she did most nights. Hermione was never in any rush to get home - there was nothing there for her - and although it was her birthday, it made no difference. Her relationship with Ron had gone tits up years ago when she decided to leave the Wizarding world behind for a few years and pursue a career in psychology at a Muggle university. It was the best and the worst experience, really. She'd met some lovely people who really enriched her life for years at a time she needed it but she could never truly be herself and the distance was taking its toll on Ron. She knew in hindsight she'd never really been in love with him - she'd been in love with the thought of him. And in the end it crashed and burned. It was amicable though and Ron had sent her a card today to wish her Happy Birthday.

She'd been inundated actually. Her pile of mail grew throughout the day and the elves from the hospital had baked her a cake. Her three favourite elves and her secretary, Alula, had sang (extremely off key) to her on her lunch break. It surprised Hermione that her most grand gift had come from the Malfoy's. She'd just completed 8 weeks with Draco. He'd reacted really well to her PTSD treatment and cognitive behavioural therapy and he'd turned out to be a surprisingly thoughtful friend and had bought her a massive bouquet of flowers as a thank you. He had a family of his own now, his daughter Velena was 13 months old.

She opened up another card. It was muggle card with a first class stamp and inside was a card which read, 'Today we celebrate the day you left the vagina! Happy Birthday!' Hermione snorted and shook her head. She knew who this was from without even opening it. It was from her closest friend during University, Jules. She was training to be a teacher and they had house shared in Kent for 4 years during their studies and Hermione became friends with her instantly. She was the polar opposite to Hermione. She'd grown up in Sheffield with a thick accent and was a complete salt of the earth character. She accepted that she didn't know Hermione's full story, she accepted that Hermione had a troubled past and had come to university seeking a new life and yet she didn't care. She was so laid back, funny, kind.. Jules was what Hermione needed for 4 years.  
'Fucking hell, you old bastard! Remember a few years ago on your birthday we got on the train to London, pub crawled to South Bank, got absolutely shit faced, picked up some drunk wacky fella who kept screaming GOLDEN TRIO at us and got on the back of this rickshaw to St Pancras that we couldn't afford! Wherever you are I hope you're smiling as wide as I am writing this sugar tits. I miss you. Julez xxx'

Hermione wiped a tear from a cheek and turned her gaze to the open fire which was glowing and crackling under the night sky of her office, downing the rest of her wine in one large gulp reminiscing about that night with Jules. There was a knock at her door and she turned her attention to her office door which lead out into a corridor where she could come and go without catching the attention of any of the other Mungo's visitors. It was almost 9pm and she rarely had visitors this late. She put her glass down on the coffee table next to her sofa with her cards and flicked her wand to open the door.

"Hermione!" It was Poppy Pomfrey, the matron at Hogwarts School. "My darling girl, what on earth are you still doing here on your birthday! I wasn't sure if you'd still be here!"

Poppy plodded in. She might be getting on a bit now but she still worked herself down the bone. She held out a carefully wrapped box the size of what Hermione could only compare to Crooks' old cat box.

"It's cosy here..." She said, flicking her eyes to Poppy for a second smiling unconvincingly. "Would you like to join me with a glass of wine?"

"Oooh, seeing as we're celebrating."

Poppy placed Hermione's present on the larger couch and took a seat opposite stretching her legs and shutting her eyes. Hermione handed Poppy a small glass of wine and slumped back onto her couch and eyed the rather large gift sat beside her.

"Is that for me?"

Poppy opened one eye with faint amusement and tutted, "Silly girl. Open it."

"Poppy, you shouldn't have."

Poppy waved her hand at her dismissively and closed her eyes again mumbling something Hermione couldn't make out.

She set her wine glass down by her feet and started to undo her gift, almost feeling bad for destroying such a well wrapped present. Almost. Throwing the wrapping paper on the floor it revealed a box with a picture of the moon on the side.

Almost sensing Hermione's curiosity, "Mood light dear. Saw it in a nicknack shop while I was out in Muggle London last week. The one thing that's always missing from that ceiling of yours."

"Poppy this is brilliant!"

Within minutes she had it out of its box on her coffee table.

"Runs off batteries dear. I trust you know where to get replacements when they run out."

"Of course!" Hermione beamed. Poppy sat up and sipped her wine watching Hermione put the batteries that came with it into the base of the light. She flicked it on a moment later and wandlessly dimmed the office lights so that the moon could radiate to full effect. It was a soothing, soft kind of light and you could see the darker craters on the surface of the moon too. Hermione smiled and reached down to retrieve her wine. She knew her new moon light would be yet another object she will spend hours staring at.

"I love it Poppy. Thank you so much."

Poppy set her glass in her lap watching Hermione as she drank hers. There was always this platonic vibe between them that Hermione always appreciated. It was the closest thing to a maternal relationship she had with her mother.

"So, how are things at Hogwarts?"

"Much the same, much the same. It feels like we might finally be on even ground at last. Minerva has worked so hard trying to put that school back together and I think she's finally cracked it. All the teachers are in place and seem to be on the same page. The student numbers are back to a steady number and the Ministry have finally got the message about sticking their noses in."

"That's a relief," Hermione sighed. "I haven't seen Minerva for the past few weeks but she wrote today and said she'd been fine tuning."

"Hermione's eyes drifted to the moon lap and Poppy's followed.

"And you don't seem to have stopped..." Poppy pressed slowly.

"No.." Hermione hid her grin with her wineglass and took another snip.

"You went straight out to Muggle university months after the war ended, 6 years later you come back, working your behind off to get your clinic on the map and you're so completely snowed under that hardly anyone's seen you! We have to hear about you through that blasted rag."

"I know." Hermione replied faintly. "Harry thinks I'm a workaholic."

"Dear, you still need some time for yourself no matter what you do. Take a week off. You're your own boss! No one's going to begrudge you it."

Poppy got up and placed her empty glass on the desk and came over to the sofa and sat next to Hermione, putting her hand over hers. "Hermione, I don't want you getting ill, you know how I'll worry. I know more than most that constantly listening to people's woes will grind you down eventually. We all need to be recharged." Hermione put her glass down too and took both of Poppy's soft hands and squeezed them.

"Would you believe me if I said I've been thinking of taking some time off in the next couple of weeks?" This was the truth, Hermione thought. It was healthy after all, to be able to shut down from the world and get lost in her own head for a few days. She just hadn't done that for a while. Poppy raised and eyebrow.

"Well, I have. I'm going to visit Harry and Ginny and spend the weekend with a muggle friend of mine. Maybe pick up a new hobby. Lose myself in some acrylic paint and hold up my hair with paintbrushes. How about that?" Hermione winked.

"Satisfactory. And what about those?" Poppy said flicking her head towards the giant bouquet of flowers on Hermione's smiled and shook her head. It amused her that Poppy always found such a smooth way into having a boy talk with her but she, yet again, wasn't going to get very far.

"They're from a patient… Friend." Hermione immediately spoke over whatever Poppy was about to say.

"Poppy, you know more than anyone about working in a strictly confidential environment!" Poppy rolled her eyes and swivelled herself round to sit correctly on the couch.

"Malfoy."

Hermione turned her head so sharply she could have put her neck out.

"Oh come on, the amount of times I fixed that boy, and Lucius at that. Wealthy Purebloods have impeccable manners," Poppy said sincerely. "I'm so glad he's doing well."

Hermione looked into the fire and cleared her throat. "Right. Well. Yes. He's had a complete turn around and has turned out to be a surprisingly tolerable young man."

"And it looks like he thinks quite highly of you too." Poppy patted Hermione's knee and they smiled at each other.

"How is it all going though dear? You've had every Tom, Dick and Harry in here, I know that much. The war.." Poppy shook her head, "I help heal the physical scars and you help heal the psychological. I've seen some appalling things and you hear about it." Poppy's eyes twinkled. "We make a bit of a team really."

Hermione had found herself thinking the same thing the last time Poppy visited. They've never really spoken about the war together properly, but the level of understanding was so thorough that perhaps Poppy thought, as she did, that they didn't have to.

"Team Awesome?" Hermione held her hand up for a hi 5.

Poppy laughed at that and grabbed her hand. Hermione sighed and wished she had another glass of wine in her hands.

"Every day i get on a rollercoaster with a someone and sometimes that someone is really afraid of rollercoasters. Or afraid of heights. And I'll hold their hand and sometimes they'll shut their eyes or scream or not say anything and look completely and utterly fearless. Or they'll be smiling and laughing one minute and then we'll go over a loop the loop or into a tunnel and they'll be looking terrified. But at the end, when we get off I feel like we've accomplished something together and we high 5, they'll go and get on with their life and then I jump back on with someone else." Hermione bit her lip. "It's thrilling and fun and can be challenging, it can also be painful and traumatic but the light at the end of the tunnel always overshadows all of that."

Hermione chided herself briefly for not really attempting to stop to breathe and looked slightly bashful. She wasn't at all surprised to feel the adrenaline in her body that her own explanation had caused. It's what she most missed about not having a relationship. Going home and telling your partner about your day with a hot cup of tea and hearing about theirs.

Hermione hadn't noticed Poppy had put her hand on her shoulder. "Oh how miss having that youthful energy.." Poppy said wearily. "I find my patience wavering as I get older."

Hermione smiled. "Patience is something else I've had to learn. It's a shame there isn't much literature on the learning process!" They both laughed heartily.

"Oh well, I suppose I'd be better be off before I fall asleep right here on your couch. And you get yourself home before you do just that."

"It wouldn't be the first time.."

"Don't I know it!"

They stood up and gave each other a warm hug and Poppy let herself out to say goodbye to one of the on call nurses she knew. Hermione didn't really feel like it but thought it was best if she followed suit, so she went about her routine of shutting shop as it were, but not mentally.

Hermione was tucked up in bed before she realised that she'd got herself home and undressed. Too busy in her own head. Again.

* * *

It was safe to say Jules and Hermione were more than half way to being completely and utterly trollied. Jules had filled a hip flask with honey whiskey and they had been taking it in turns to down a measure or two since they left Jules' house. They were now 20 mins outside of Manchester and walking into a pretty run down looking pub. Jules had ran out of phone battery and her phone had the party address on it so they were trying their luck that someone in the pub had a cable and a plug.

The pair seemed to find their predicament amusing, as one would after a few Jack Daniel's but Hermione was secretly way out of her depth. This part of Manchester, wherever the hell they were, was rough. They passed several groups hanging out in the streets smoking weed and listening to music out of their phones while eyeing them up and down. If it wasn't for the warmth and extra confidence the whiskey had given them they'd probably had turned back around and got the next bus right into town. But Jules was determined to find the party being held by one of her friends because she fancied him.

So they found themselves in The Duke. A pub on the corner of an estate that seemed like it probably had industrial roots. They shimmied their way through a few smokers outside and headed for the bar. It was fairly busy for a Friday night, although for Hermione it was blissfully quiet compared to pubs in London at this time on a Friday night. She became well aware of a dozen eyes fixing on them when they settled themselves at the bar. Chatter began to resume shortly after the young, dark haired barman approached them with a grin.

"What can I get you ladies?" he asked with a thick Manchester accent.

"Two whiskey and cokes. And a phone charger if you've got one?" Jules replied.

The bartender eyed them both with a knowing eye. "Ya all out?"

"All out. We've got a party to go to and the address is stuck in here."

The bartender laughed and threw a towel over his shoulder and got started on their drinks. Hermione spent this time taking the place in, purely out of habit. Pubs were never a natural environment for her but she'd gotten used to it since her student days. This one definitely felt different though. Everyone in it seemed to be very drunk or high. Everyone except the barman that was, who was sipping lemonade when they came in. Drunk people was definitely a norm in a pub but the atmosphere was different here and Hermione couldn't put her finger on why. Her thoughts were cut short when a woman come out of the toilets and gave her an evil stare as she walked by. Perhaps that was it, Hermione thought. It wasn't very a very welcoming and comforting place, and they'd only been here 2 minutes.

Turning around to the sound of a glass on a surface Hermione nodded in thanks to the barman who was accepting money from Jules and handed over a phone charger, pointing her in the direction of a space around the corner. It was an L shaped bar so they picked up their drinks and followed him until they found a corner near the entrance to the kitchen where they could plug in and refuel. The bartender was called Eric. Thick Manchester accent, fairly young, laid back, dark rings around his warm eyes. He didn't look like he belonged there. But neither did they really. The place smelt faintly of cat urine, there was cardboard cut out in place of a window on the door and Eric was keeping a beady eye on the couple in the corner who was starting to raise their voices. Hermione didn't know what they were arguing about but every other word was a swear word. They probably didn't know themselves.

Eric was making good conversation with Jules and he looked like he could take on anyone in this pub with a breeze so Hermione didn't worry too much.

"I know this area well. I can point ya in the right direction of that party."

Jules threw her hands onto her forehead massaging it, "I can't remember what the bloody road's called. Gunna have to wait until there's some life in this."

Jules nipped out for a cigarette leaving Hermione reading the back of a beer mat. She was in a world of her own when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to find a guy in his mid 50's, eyes not entirely in focus, grinning at her.

You girls can't be from round 'ere eh? Nah, too pretty."

"No, we're not no," Hermione replied without much interest.

"Yeah, you see," the man took a seat beside her, "We don't get many beautiful girls in this place."

Hermione started to feel uncomfortable, but he was nothing she couldn't handle so decided to approach with politeness.

"I see."

Hermione twisted around to take a sip from her drink. She noticed Eric was emptying the dishwasher behind the bar and gave her a crooked smile.

"What's your name love?"

"Hermione."

""Hermione?" He laughed. "That's a bit unusual 'ent it?"

"Is it?" she asked in a bored tone.

He laughed again and shifted himself around on the bar stool so he was facing her.

"Eric, get us another round. My usual. And whatever these ladies ordered."

"Oh no you're.." Hermione was interrupted.

"It's on me darling, don't you worry about it."

Eric tended to the order while Hermione played with the remnants of her drink in her glass. She had to laugh inside sometimes. The amount of times she'd gone out with Jules and found herself in such bizarre, weird situations. Eric poured them all a new round of drinks, and Hermione appreciated that he kept looking back to make sure she was ok.

"Stone, you better not be chatting up my newcomers. You'll scare em off."

Stone barked a laugh and put his arm around Hermione pulling her into him slightly. Hermione grimaced and turned away into the opposite direction, not quite enjoying his affections.

"Course I ain't. I just made a new friend didn't I Hermione?" He let go of Hermione and sipped his drink looking at her with a twinkle in his eye.

Hermione fiddled with the bobby clip keeping her hair somewhat at bay and was worrying about Jules. She'd been gone for more than 5 mins now and although Hermione's wand was inches away, tucked into her wrist, she had no intention of using it tonight. Tonight was supposed to be a chilled out, merry evening. She never thought that would entail sitting in a bar in the middle of nowhere getting chatted up by a 50 year old drunken idiot.

"Stone. Leave off pal." Eric, probably sensing Hermione's discomfort, flicked the tea towel that was over his shoulder over Stone's head catching him with a loud slap.

"Ow! Fucking 'ell Er. Jesus!" Stone grimaced and rubbed the back off his head. "Maybe you can rub that better for me later Hermione, eh?"he said quietly in her ear, nudging her with his elbow as he slipped off the stool. Hermione eyed his movements out of the corner of her eye as he staggered back into a booth he was sharing with 3 other older men.

Eric pulled out his smokes out of his back pocket offering one to Hermione. She politely declined as he slipped out from the side of the bar for a "cheeky cigarette" telling her he wouldn't long. Hermione decided that if Jules wasn't back by the time Eric was she was going to go out and check on her. The smoking area here was basically in the street and she didn't like the idea of her friend hanging out there on her own for longer than necessary. And she rather felt the same about herself in here, trying not to think about the 3 against 1 scenario behind her.

She sighed into her empty glass, pushing it towards the bar and pulled her new one towards her when the lights flickered off. A tingle instantly ran down her spine. The punters grunted and laughed, heckling that the landlord should pay his bills but no one seemed to bothered about it, like a blackout was normal here.

Hermione would have laughed too except someone was taking advantage of the darkness and was standing far too close to her. A rush of panic rose up through her veins that sobered her in an instant. She gripped the glass in her hand only for it to be ripped out from her and thrown across the bar with a smash. Hermione felt the senses all down her right side heighten as her hairs bristled and moved against someone who very close to her ear. She stiffened and waited for the worse.

She recognised a tingle in the air. Someone had cast a Muffliato charm around her and Hermione heard a faint whisper in her ear, "He's spiked your drink." She gasped suddenly and spun around on her stool to turn to try and make out the person beside her. She didn't feel overly scared which surprised her a little. Her wand had slid down into her hand as soon as the power cut and she was one spell away from something dangerous, yet the presence she felt didn't feel dangerous. And whoever it was, was helping her. That bastard had slipped something in her drink! She felt a cold hand come down on her wand hand lowering her hand slowly onto the bar. If anything this made her grip it even tighter.

Lighters from smokers in the bar were starting to illuminate random spaces around the pub where people tried to create their own light source, even using their phones. She could faintly see a dark figure next to her but it was near impossible to make out any details. She just knew she smelt tobacco, and it was strong. A sudden movement stopped her thoughts. Whoever it was next to her turned so quickly that Hermione instinctively stood up from her stool and threw her body over the bar and cast a Lumos.

There was suddenly a lot going on. Eric made her jump when he appeared right front of her with a phone light shining in her face asking her to move. Someone was leaning over the bar with their mouth around a beer tap helping themselves. Stone was on the floor, trying to stop the blood from pouring out of his nose. That explained the the thump sound she heard behind her, at least. The unnamed man punched Stone!

"Bloody hell."

The lights flickered back on to Hermione's relief. She scanned the pub for any sign of Jules. She couldn't see her at all. Jules could handle herself spectacularly but why wasn't she back yet? There were some distant cheers around the place and some "fuck sake's" too. Hermione tucked her wand back up her sleeve grabbing Jules' phone, glad to see their handbags were where they'd left them on the bar. She grabbed them both, desperately searching for a familiar face.

"Hermione!" Jules was walking in the doorway waving frantically at her.

"Finally!" Hermione rolled her eyes, trying not to be annoyed.

She grabbed her jacket and the bags and made her way out of the side of the bar around to where they were sat earlier towards Jules. She eyed Stone with distaste as she walked over his drunken state on the floor, hearing him call her a name under his breath but she decided not to react. She regretted it slightly as she felt a hand wrap around her ankle and she tried to stop herself from toppling over. She managed to catch herself, but only just. Anger rising up to boiling point, Hermione turned to give him a piece of her mind only to find someone else had got there before her. And it froze her on the spot.

Hermione was shocked to find someone who looked distinctly like her old Professor with a hand wrapped around Stone's neck.

Her mind raced at the speed of light as she tried to take it in. She stepped forward so she could see better and reached out and touched his shoulder. Snape -she was now 100% certain it was Professor Snape- had not moved. He was staring at a nervous giggling Stone, his jaw clenched and his chest heaving. Hermione could almost laugh at the audacity of it, because that stare of Professor Snape's was anything but funny. He jerked his shoulder as soon as she touched him and she let go just as quick.

"You need to leave." He said slowly and uncertainly, flexing his grip around Stone's neck.

"I'd be on my merry fucking way if.."

"I'm not done with you!" Snape snarled, with a raised voice.

It felt like minutes went by. Hermione had still not recovered from the shock of seeing Snape and she was starting to wonder if perhaps he was equally as shocked to see her too, as he didn't seem much at ease either. His eyes started to flicker and he took a deep breath and looked up at Hermione. Her breath caught and she felt a lump form in her throat immediately. emSeverus Snape just saved me. Again./em She thought. She hadn't seen him since the Shrieking Shack, covered in blood and he was, what they all thought, dead. When she'd read in the Prophet he had survived she couldn't believe it. The guilt she felt for not helping him when there was a chance of survival was crushing. Especially after finding out everything he had done for them. Harry and Ron had found that difficult to handle too. So many lives were lost during the war, if they'd have known there was a chance with Snape they would have taken it. Seeing him now in front of her with the scars on his neck showing so clearly had brought all those emotions right back.

"Hermione," She felt Jules' hand reach around her waist slowly pulling her back away. "We're leaving, yeah?"

Hermione would have bet she saw a flicker of recognition and softness flashing past Snape's eyes but his stare quickly hardened and he looked away, back to intimidating a now curious looking Stone. It was almost as if he knew she was digging around in the past in her mind and that he was almost embarrassed. His eyes were bloodshot and messily Occluded. She could tell he'd been Occluding far too much and there was no way he was sleeping well if the dark rings under his eyes were anything to go by. His cheeks were sunken and she could see his arm slightly shaking. He had let go of Stone's throat and was grabbing the clothing on his neck now. Old Professor Snape would have picked him up by the scruff and thrown him out with one hand but this Professor Snape? She wasn't so sure.

He looked like so many of the patients she'd seen in the past year, except he looked worse. And out of all of them he probably needed the help more.

Her hand came up to her mouth to try and control the rush of sadness that had overcome her but her rational and professional side acted first. Not before Snape had though. He still had his speed she'd give him that. He threw Stone on the floor with a swift push of his shaking hand and whipped round, lightly pushing past Hermione. She reacted and turned instantly and thought she might have caught the end of a quick glance in her direction, but his hair hid his features and his eyes. And with that he had gone.

Hermione tried in vain to copy his movements and left as quickly as she could. She had no desire to stay in that place for another moment. Thankful for some fresh air Hermione eyed the streets to see if she could see the tail of Snape, but part of her accepted as soon as he'd brushed past her that that was it. She took a deep breath and felt Jules' arm around her waist again who was guiding her down the street.

"Are you ok?"

Hermione sighed and put her arm around her friend in return giving her a squeeze.

"I think so. So many things happened at once in there."

"I can't leave you anywhere can i?" Jules joked, nudging her shoulder with Hermione's.

Hermione snorted expressing her contempt but she had to quietly agree.

Jules stopped and turned to face taking Hermione's arms. "We can sod this party off if you want sugar?"

Hermione shook her head and took her friends hands, "No, we're here now aren't we? I'm ok."

"If you're sure? They're a good bunch. We'll stay for a couple of hours then we'll go, yeah? Just let me know if you wanna go."

Their destination wasn't too far away. They walked in silence without any disturbance along rows of old attached Victorian houses. Her friend kept an arm wrapped around her for assurance. Hermione let her mind clear and found herself peering in every window that was amiss a curtain, briefly taking a look into other peoples lives. Looking for Snape.. It seemed most of them were engrossed in Friday night tele.

They arrived at the party. Andrew (or Drew as he insisted they call him) welcomed them both with open arms. He was a musician born and raised in Manchester, in that very house he'd said. It wasn't a particularly busy party but there were a lot of other musicians there dotted around the front room, singing and strumming guitars, beating a cajon and stomping their feet. There were 3 people lounging on the stairs and a group of around 6 in the kitchen talking politics, which is where Jules and Hermione found themselves. Jules got stuck in and carried the conversation but Hermione's heart wasn't really in it. She hadn't touched the bottle of beer she was handed and found herself making an effort not to catch the eye of a guy who had not stopped smiling at her since she'd got there. Andrew had entered the kitchen with a bottle of whiskey insisting they all did shots so Hermione took the opportunity of distraction and snuck out the side door out into the narrow garden.

Hermione was pleased to find she was the only one out there, quietly thankful for the temperature outside and made her way to the end of the garden to a bench that was hidden behind a glass house. Not that there was much glass left in it and the bench itself only had a couple of its wooden slats. She placed her beer bottle on the floor and took in a deep breath, setting herself a warming charm. She shifted her Occlumency she had been using and welcomed back some of her emotions, which were all about Professor Snape.

Part of her couldn't believe it had happened. How her and Jules could come to some arse end corner of Manchester, get her drink spiked and have Professor Snape, who she hadn't seen nor heard of since the war ended, save her from what would certainly have been a pretty awful sort of evening had she drank it. She shook her head and ran her hands over her hair bringing forth her memories of him leaning over Stone looking so fragile. It annoyed her that he probably looked like a drunken regular looking for a fight to anyone else because he was certainly much more than that. He would probably berate her for being such a Gryffindor if he knew that train of thought, and she smiled to herself.

"Bloody hell!" The sparking of a lighter behind her made her jump and she spun around instinct for some reason making her grab the beer bottle off the floor and holding it above her head. It was no surprise then that the face being lit up by a cigarette was that of Professor Snape, who was sporting an expression of derision and disbelief, signature eyebrow raised. The glow slowly faded as he blew out to the air above him, the smoke slithering away into the night sky.

Hermione lowered her hand, deciding to sip whatever was left of her beer, the rest of it emptied out somewhere in front of her. Not a drop left, she shrugged and wandlessly vanished the bottle and brushed herself down nervously clearing her throat.

"First my local and now," he drawled breaking the silence, "my garden."


	2. II - The Weight of It All

**Still borrowing everything from J.K, not mine etc etc...**

 **It's been a year since i first posted this, crikey. Apologies! Looks like January is my Snamione month.. Thanks to Kat, catsgotmytongue and Padme.G for the reviews. And thanks to Qoheleth for letting me know about the initial first post chapter error. I'm not entirely sure what happened there. I do know that i'm a new poster here and using copy+paste from my Notes app on my mac, so that might have had soemthing to do with it. Hopefully this one will update with no issue.**

 **It happens to be 2 years since Alan Rickman left us today as well sadly, damn it. He's been on my mind all day. RIP AR.**

II

Hermione glared up at him over the wall, her eyes glancing to the house next door, not entirely sure what to say. Of course she would find herself at a party next door to Professor Snape's home after paying an unexpected visit to his local. Of course. She almost smiled at the absurdity- the coincidence- of it. Thinking perhaps her expression was giving her away slightly as a smirk tried to escape her.

She'd hardly had a chance to gather her thoughts. She was always a fast and rational thinker. She never used to have patience and she'd taught herself to deal with it better it over the past few years. But she was thrown off completely by Snape from the moment she saw him in the pub. And she knew it was all because she had huge emotional ties to the man and she was still overcome with guilt. When she'd seen him and again watching him now, her chest ached. It was the same sensation she'd had in the past when someone had insulted her Mother, or Harry and Ron. That great need to protect and stand up for them and fight their corner - that was exactly it. Except it was not the time or place to go all Mother Hen on her old Professor, so she snapped up some shields, only slight ones, just to shut up this part of her brain for a while.

She rubbed at her chest and met the eyes of Snape and gestured towards the house she'd exited from, the silence being filled with the faint laughter and music coming from inside.

"The appeal of house parties is somewhat lost on me."

"Indeed," He replied, his voice sounding strained with a breath full of smoke. He looked away, Hermione thought, slightly awkwardly, stubbing his cigarette out on the wall between them. He vanished the stub and blowed the rest of the smoke away slowly as it twisted and evaporated into the night sky.

"How-"

Snape's head turned towards the house and a second later Hermione heard the door leading into the garden squeaking. She could just make out between the green house and the overgrown plants inside it the illuminated face of the guy who was giving her the eye inside all night popping a cigarette into his mouth. He was fishing in his pocket for his lighter eyeing the garden with some interest.

"Shit," Hermione exclaimed softly. He'd probably seen her leave, Hermione immediately thought. She placed one foot on the bench and heaved herself up onto the wall and flicked her legs around dropping herself into Snape's garden at Snape's feet, disillusioning them both wandlessly. She slowly rose to peer over the fence to see the boy walking down the length of the garden towards the glass house, checking out the adjoining neighbours gardens and homes.

The boy took another drag of his cigarette, looking around at the bottom of the garden. He shrugged and started making his way back towards the house where he stood for another couple of minutes finishing his cigarette. He eventually stubbed it out and flicked it into a plant pot and made his way back inside, scanning the garden once more before he did.

Hermione and Snape never moved an inch.

Hermione realised she'd been holding her breath and breathed a sigh of relief. She turned to look at Snape and cancelled the charm. He had his arms folded and was giving her a curious look. Hermione was mildly amused to note she was still reduced to her school girl self under his scrutiny and hoped she was hiding it well. She looked down at her toes, rubbing her own arms now her warming charm was no longer in use. Snape sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Come inside, Granger," he said tiredly.

He made his way towards his back door and Hermione followed, finding it peculiar to see him without his robes flowing out behind him. It was an identical lay out to the house next door. She stepped foot inside of his kitchen that was sharply illuminated by a single Edison lightbulb hanging somewhat lower than it should be. It was a small kitchen, although it still bigger than her own. In fact, it was a lot nicer than hers. Her presumptions of Snape were not doing him any favours and she scolded herself for being unfair. Everything in his kitchen looked brand new. It was clean and tidy. He had black and white floor tiles, like a chess board and his worktops were a black marble, the rest of it glistening white and it was toasty warm.

The clattering of cups distracted Hermione from her nosiness. Snape had stood in front of his sink with his hand in a cupboard above it pulling down a mug. He cleared his throat, flicking on the switch of his kettle and looked over his shoulder at her, raising his eyebrow, gesturing with a tilt of the mug an unspoken question.

"Oh!" Hermione slipped her hands into her coat pockets and tilted her head towards the side of the house next door. The walls weren't thick then, she thought. The party was still going strong and well, sod it. "Please. Thank you."

He nodded turning back towards his kettle, throwing a tea bag into another mug. He leaned on his hands and his head fell forward.

Hermione stepped back and balanced herself leaning on the work top opposite him and watched him carefully. Now she could get a good look at him, there was no sense of ire about him whatsoever. There always used to be. He used to hold himself together so tightly, it always felt like he was about to snap and it was such a harsh transition to seeing him now, leaning with his head bowed, his hair covering his face, his posture slumped and unwound. His thin jean shirt that looked too big for him was hanging limply off his figure. His loose black slacks and, Hermione's heart grew a size poking at her emotions making her breathe in and out quickly, his dirty well worn heelless slippers. As if sensing her giving him the once over he shifted slightly to look at her out of the corner of his eye. It was a quick, tiny glance and Hermione looked away quickly finding some solace with her shoes once again.

The kettle hadn't boiled yet, but he'd yanked it off its hook and started to make their tea. Hermione could hardly bare the silence and her Gryffindor heart got the better of her.

"This is a really lovely kitchen. A lot nicer than next door's." she said brightly, looking around pretending to find the most mundane of appliances interesting to try and shift the atmosphere.

Snape didn't respond. He bent down and opened a small fridge that was nicely disguised as a cupboard to the right of his sink, pulling out a bottle of milk. Snape dropped his spoon onto the worktop with a clatter and moved past her into his living room ignoring her entirely. Hermione leaned forward and saw he had actually poured her tea but obviously wasn't prepared to make it for her. Fine, she thought shaking her head in amused disbelief. She stirred and squeezed her tea bag, leaving it in a round ceramic blue bowl where a collection of old tea bags had gathered and poured in some milk. She bent down and put the milk back inside his fridge for him. She paused slightly at the contents of his fridge, purely because she couldn't help but notice that there was hardly anything in it. She gathered herself quickly and shut the fridge door. She picked up her mug and made her way towards his living room, a bit unsure of herself. It felt unnatural to be already so well acquainted with someones kitchen. And not just any old someone. But Snape's kitchen.

He looked up at Hermione who was hesitating at the doorway clutching at her tea in both hands. He'd sat himself down on a two seater black leather sofa, his tea in his lap. Snape sat back and crossed his legs, cupping his steaming drink, a scowl forming on his face.

"For god's sake Granger, you're making the place look untidy. If you'd like to go and rejoin your... friends.." he raised a finger off his mug signalling to next door.

"Sorry, si…," She cleared her throat, internally cursing herself for not handing this at all well and made a few steps inside of his living room. "No, i'd much rather be here actually." He raised his eyebrow, looking at her as though she were mad.

She stopped by a chair, which must be a reading chair of sorts because the arms of the chair were lined with books of different sizes. "May i?"

Snape nodded. Hermione, not wanting to knock off any of the tomes sat awkwardly on the edge of it and rested her mug on her knee. Their eyes met briefly and Snape quickly snapped them away down to his mug of tea, thumbing the edge of it.

"How have you been then, Granger?" He asked, slightly sarcastically, keeping his eyes trained into his mug. Glad for a nod in the right direction of conversation she breathed in and half smiled.

"Busy." She smiled.

Snape nodded and flicked his gaze up at her, although it was so brief you could have argued that he didn't react at all.

"And, you?" she asked, her smile falling into something more neutral.

Snape shifted on the sofa, crossing over his other leg. He brought his mug up to his face and sipped, his hair, longer than she'd known it, falling almost into his mug.

Snape's lip curled, ignoring her line of questioning, "And what does the brightest witch of her age," he paused, "do?" His words sounded harsh and was probably said to annoy her, but there was no real weight in them.

She looked down at her hands, playing with the rings on her fingers finding them a nice distraction.

"I work in St Mungo's, si-r." She quickly glanced at him, not knowing at all how best to address him. His expression was unchanged, so she decided to carry on. "I have my own practice of the 7th floor. I am, for lack of a better word, a shrink. What Muggles call a psychotherapist. I sit and i listen to people's problems. And hopefully, help them resolve any of their issues."

"A hospital for souls." he said softly. So softly that she almost didn't hear him. She was about to respond when he replied, "That would explain why you're so… smartly occluded." He thumbed the rim of his cup and looked at her, tilting his head slightly in interest.

"Which University did you attend?" he said, still gazing at her.

"K-Kent," Hermione looked at him unsure, "how did you.. ?"

His cradled his cup over his chest and shifted again, swapping legs to cross.

"The Ministry and St Mungo's are, or were, ignorant of such a profession. There wouldn't have been anyone to train you in the wonders of..." his hand flew up and waved in the general direction of his head, ".. the mind." He lowered his hand again to rest his mug over his stomach.

She nodded, holding his gaze, "I'm the only one, sir, yes."

Snape shut his eyes and sighed, his jaw clenched. "Granger, i'm not your Professor anymore. I have no desire to be called.. that." He leaned over and placed his now empty mug on the table beside him, bringing both his hands back in his lap. Hermione nodded slowly, biting her lip.

"Okay," she pursed her lips looking at him through her fringe that had just fallen forward slightly, "And i am no longer your student, so you may call me Hermione."

Snape pinched his eyes together slightly and leaned back in his couch, crossing his legs at the feet.

They sat in silence for a while. Hermione could see him brushing his bottom lip with his finger, watching her. She used the small intermission to study one of the book titles at her feet and was surprised to see 1985 by George Orwell. She was just about to bend down and pick it up when a high pitched, shrilly ding noise echoed through the room. She looked up at Snape who had just fished a mobile phone out of his trouser pocket. He patted down his pockets and his shirt for something then he wandlessly acciod a pair of dark rimmed square glasses and looked over the top of them at Hermione while he placed them on his nose. Hermione's forehead had crinkled together in amusement and had pinched her lips together, desperately trying not to giggle at the sight of him.

"You would do well, Granger, to remember the company it is that you are currently keeping," he spoke slowly and gave her a accusatory look while pushing his glasses up to sit on his nose.

Hermione, while bending up to pick up the book on the floor whispered "Hermione." in response. Not daring to look to see if he'd heard her, she placed her tea on the floor and flicked through the books pages. It wasn't common for wizards or witches to be interested in the Muggle world, but she could safely say it was the first time she'd ever been inside a wizard's house and seen a Muggle publication there. She turned it over to read the back page when Snape grunted. She flicked her eyes up over at him to see him, reflected by the phone screens brightness, typing with one finger. Hermione placed the book on her lap cocking her head to watch him.

He took a quick look at her over over the top of his specs at her, pausing his typing as he did so, "I've just been barred."

"Barred?!"

"From the pub," he drawled.

Snape rolled his eyes and continued to type again.

Hermione paused mid way from bending down to fetch her tea and tutted, "You didn't even do anything wrong."

"Oh, it wouldn't be the first time."

"I'll go in there, tonight! Before we leave and tell him- Eric, to unbar - wait, what?"

Snape's mouth quirked up at the side as, Hermione could only assume, he'd pressed send and popped his phone back into his trouser pocket. He took off his glasses, pushing them on to the top of his head and grabbed his tea.

"As i said, i've been barred before."

Hermione looked at Snape in shock and slightly shook her head. It was like she was seeing a completely different person in front of her. She did the only thing she thought appropriate and drank the rest of her tea in one big gulp.

"What did you do to get yourself barred?"

"Oh, this and that."

"And what did you reply?"

Snape lifted his tea to his chest, "I did as i always do," he brought the tea higher up to his mouth and held it between both hands and gazed at her, "i told him to bugger off."

Hermione's mouth dropped open, she was quick to bite her lip but she found she couldn't help herself and she burst into laughter. She put her head in her hands and massaged her eye lids as her laughter faded. If she'd have have looked, she would have noticed Snape smiling with her, but it did not last for long before his face fell and watched her tucking her hair behind her ear.

"And yet they allow you back in?"

"Of course."

Like a flash of lightning, Hermione noticed Snape's persona darken almost instantly. The atmosphere in the room changed and she started to wonder what she'd done wrong. It wasn't as if it was a warm welcome anyway, certainly far better than she would have ever expected, but whatever had just happened made the mood drop through the floor. She didn't have any time to think about it before Snape was on his feet brushing past her, grabbing her empty mug on the way. Hermione looked around her to see if she could find what might have set him off, because there was a tiny part of her that hoped it wasn't her presence. There really wasn't too much to look at though. A little like the kitchen, everything in the living room looked like new too. Almost like she was in a show room. Two couches and a reading chair. There was a coffee table in the middle of the room that had 3 large candles on it and there was a fireplace - which was immaculate. A large book case lined the wall leading towards the kitchen but that was really it. Hermione's gaze fell back towards his fireplace again, the chunks of wood used to light it were new and unburned. Hermione frowned, the cogs working in her brain at last. He wasn't, visibly at least, living too much like a Wizard at all.

Hermione slowly made her way towards the kitchen and was met with Snape, who had one hand on his kitchen back door, holding it open for her. He wasn't meeting her eyes, looking somewhere above her head. He looked extremely put out and frankly pissed off. She had no idea what to expect from her first, well second, meeting with her old Professor and although she felt like she'd been walking on egg shells, knowing how easy he was to crack, it could have gone a lot worse than this she concluded, defeated. There was far too much to talk about, so much history between them that she found herself begrudged to leave. Not that either of them had got over the awkwardness of their meeting, especially now looking at Snape, who she assumed, had just remembered himself and was regretting inviting her in.

"Right… ," she hesitated, moving from one foot to another.

"You're being looked for," he snapped, turning his head towards the house next door.

"Oh." She slid her hands into her jacket pockets and raised her chin - she hadn't heard a thing. "I-There isn't… I'd like to see you again si-.."

Snape snapped his head and and rubbed at his eyebrows in annoyance, "No."

"Bu-," Hermione tried before Snape cut her off.

"No. That is not necessary. This is strictly a one off, girl." he spoke, slowing down to push the meaning of the last of his sentence.

At this angle, Snape standing directly under the light she could see his red rimmed eyes and the tightness in them. One of the first signs of over-Occluding was exactly that. And she knew too well what that did to someone. She flexed her hands in her pockets and felt one of her business cards in her pocket. She bit her lip in questioning, wondering wether this would be a good idea. It was clear he wasn't very active in the Wizarding world so why would he ever…

She flicked her chin back up at him and softened her features. It wasn't like she was losing anything, and she knew where he lived now in any case. She pulled out one of her business cards and placed it on his counter. He slid his eyes over it, and by the look on his face Hermione might as well have placed a jar of eel's eyes there instead.

Deciding she wasn't going to push him further she made towards the door and turned slowly to look at him. Hermione gasped in a silent breath and pushed her lips together in what she could see. His whole self was truly despondent. She had learnt to take in a persons general vibe within moments of meeting them in the clinic and she thought she was a good judge of knowing how bad the person was currently feeling. With Snape, it felt like a Dementor had overtaken his soul and was using his body, not sucking emptiness out but exuding it. And he didn't feel like this earlier when she came in.

Hermione blinked away catching herself, having not been this taken with wanting to help anybody who had shown these signs of depression and sadness, since Draco. She smiled up at him, and found herself reaching towards his arm that was still holding the door open for her and squeezing, just above his wrist. Noting without much feeling his, now faded, Dark Mark was slightly poking out of the sleeve of his baggy shirt. She had seen it many times on Draco that it didn't mean a thing to her anymore.

Before Snape could even react Hermione was in his garden, heaving herself over the adjoining wall. He heard the back door close to next door and a few raised voices in welcoming's and "There you are's" before he realised he had still yet to move, his eyes burning onto the bare part of his arm that she'd touched.

He quickly regained composure and slammed his door twice as hard. Without another thought on the damn girl he locked both locks, turned off his kitchen light and made towards the sofa, the warm gentle glow of his salt lamp guiding his way. Grabbing the trusty, most of the time disillusioned, box he kept under the sofa and briskly rolled up his left shirt sleeve...


	3. III - The Blueprint

_Yep, still borrowing from J.K.._

* * *

 **III**

"Oh, you saint."

Alula, Hermione's secretary, might as well be a saint, for all she's put up with as Hermione as her boss. But at this very moment, as she bustled through the door holding two (very large) cups of tea, Hermione concluded she absolutely, no question, indeed was a saint.

It was Monday morning. The Monday after the weekend up North with Julez and Hermione had not recovered, not had time to think about anything at all. She'd got back late last night and after feeding Crooks had classily fallen asleep on her sofa. She'd woken up early with terrible neck ache and decided she'd go to work early to check over client papers for the day ahead.

"Huh," Alula handed Hermione her tea, who was laying over Alula's desk making a mess of paperwork. She looked at her face with a confused glance, "Not looking as awful as i thought you might after a heavy weekend in Manchester…. Home of indie rock legends Oasis.." She paused to breathe. "And The Smiths."

"I shall take that as compliment then..?" Hermione said, sluggishly righting herself into a seated position.

"And Take That." Alula said thoughtfully. "We've got 10 minutes until…" she glanced down at the diary only just visible on her desk, moving Hermione's arm, "Walden Wildwood arrives. So. Just tell me all the juicy bits."

Hermione rolled her eyes and grinned at her secretary who was looking at her in playful curiosity, and moved to sit next to her. Alula was a 21 year old Muggle-born witch who, upon leaving Hogwarts a few years ago, couldn't figure out what she'd wanted to do. They'd met in Borgin and Burkes 13 months ago. Hermione was feeling suitably stressed at the time, the opening of her clinic right around the corner and for the first time in a very long time she'd decided she'd better try her hand at a few beautifying charms. To make herself feel a bit better, of course.

Actually, that was a lie.

Hermione had bumped into a Healer a few times while coming in and out of her clinic who she'd taken a bit of a fancy to. Philip Trevor was his name. And contrary to popular belief that she was, as Snape would say, a 'know it all', she was extremely lacking in those types of charms. So she'd stood there in the magazines and beauty section for an age not knowing where the hell to start when Alula had come to her rescue. She'd known an awful lot about the charms Hermione was interested in and had been honest with her from the start. She'd whispered in Hermione's ear and had asked her to keep a secret strictly between 'us Muggle-borns', but the beautifying charms 'were shit' she'd said! She told Hermione to nip into a department store somewhere in Muggle London and 'get the girls to put some face on ya' and that although she would have to take time out of her day to apply it like the Muggles do, it was a lot better for her skin in the long run. It was there and then that Hermione had offered her a job. It was totally risky she knew that, but she'd also interviewed 20 girls the day before - whom only 3 managed to go without asking if Harry Potter would ever be visiting…

"Make that 8 minutes," Alula rolled her eyes impatiently staring at Hermione.

"Far too much happened for me to fit it all into 8 mins, 'Lu. I've barely even had a chance to think about it myself…"

After a moment Alula gasped, "A bloke!" She tried to read Hermione's face as she got up off the couch, moving towards her desk not taking her eyes off Hermione at all.

 _Well, she's not exactly wrong,_ Hermione thought _._ "Of sorts, i suppose." Hermione laughed, keeping her grin hidden by her mug.

Alula flew her hand to her desk in frustration staring at Hermione open mouthed, "Oh come on, as if you're going to be shy with me about your goings on with some bloke!"

Hermione, who couldn't keep the smirk away from her face so far, let her face drop to a more sombre expression after realising she was teasing Alula, and herself, about a situation that shouldn't be teased about. At all. Alula straightened as she saw Hermione's guise drop.

"He's not just 'some bloke'" Hermione shrugged, "he was my—"

There was a soft knock at the door and a nervous looking Walden Wildwood appeared, "Good morning"—he looked between Alula and Hermione— "Sorry, i'm er, slightly early, shall i wait outside?"

"Not at all!" Hermione moved forward to greet him, offering her hand for him to shake. "Doctor Granger. Please, Mr Wildwood, come on through."

* * *

It wasn't until after her last client had left at six thirty that Hermione'd been able to sit down with 'Lu to tell her all about Manchester. Alula had St Mungo's elves bring them some dinner - a beef stew and a bottle of red wine - and they sat around on her reception couch eating, something the pair a couple of times a week. Although Hermione did far less eating than Alula, who had been so intent on listening to her story about Professor Snape unfold that she'd hardly said a thing except mutter a few single words in between chewing.

"Bloody 'ell," Alula audibly let out a breath of weariness as she drank the remainder of her glass of wine, sinking back into her chair.

Hermione hummed in agreement as she used some bread to sop up the rest of her plate, quickly vanishing their cutlery back to kitchen.

"Crikey," Alula said, wide eyed and pouring herself another half glass of wine. "Professor bloody Snape, eh? The man, the myth..."

Hermione sighed wistfully, kicking her shoes off and tucked her feet under her legs, "Yep."

The pair were silent for a while as Hermione's gaze fell upon the comfort of the moon lamp that Poppy had got her a few weeks ago, finally allowing thoughts of 'the man and the myth' to take over.

As if reading her train of thought Alula peered at Hermione who caught her eye, "What are you going to do?"

Hermione gazed back at the moon once more. _Indeed, what the hell was she going to do?_

Professor Snape had not been seen nor heard of since— since he'd been pictured leaving St Mungo's about a year after the war had ended— Hermione remembered. The Prophet had tried and tried, and tried and lied in the end, of course, to find out where he'd gone but no one truly seemed to know what had happened to expected to get some piece of information from the trial when they'd had the remaining Death Eaters in but they'd all denied knowing his whereabouts, which was perhaps true for most of them but even back then she'd always thought that Lucius and Draco knew more than they were alluding to. Draco had confirmed with her in his sessions that Lucius had done a great deal to help Snape in the moments after they'd left him, but she didn't know the exact details. Hermione bit her lip at her own memories of Snape. Her recollections of that night were still painfully clear, Snape's lifeless form struggling out his last breath was one of the most vivid and wretched. It still upset her immensely to think about. To know she could have done more for him, could have saved him, is one of the reasons why she was almost certain she couldn't keep her discovery to herself.

* * *

It was then a couple of days later that the idea hit her. Hermione was a tad annoyed she didn't think of it sooner seeing how obvious the answer was. It was why she found herself flooing into Poppy's office at the Hospital Wing in Hogwarts one early evening.

"Ah, tea's just arrived!" Poppy beamed as Hermione gave herself a shake down before giving the nurse a ginormous hug.

It was so cosy in Poppy's office. There was only a couple of chairs, a desk and a few portraits, who all smiled at Hermione. It was what she'd wanted from her therapy room but it took a while for her to realise it wasn't the office itself, but rather the person who it belonged to which made it so warm and welcoming. It was an ideal place for students to come and drink some warm chocolate and get all their teenage grievances off their chest. Hermione spent a while here herself after University giving Poppy tips on how best to deal with all that teenage angst, which was was Poppy's idea. She was dying to consult Hermione and pick her brains for a few tips as she'd never had any training when it came to dealing with the children's physiological problems. So they'd sit and drink tea, and on the rare occasion, a glass of wine and chat and hours would whizz by without either of them noticing.

"It's so good to be back!" Hermione said taking a seat closest to the fireplace, smelling the old familiar smell of Hogwarts, this time with a touch of disinfectant. "It's been a while."

Poppy sat opposite Hermione cupping her tea in her lap, "How are you Hermione?"

"Other than feeling a hell of a lot older than the age i celebrated the other week, i'm okay. How have you been Poppy?"

"Term's not off to a bad start. A couple of first year broom injuries," she laughed. "But nothing too serious yet - touch wood. Dear, i must admit you've left me rather curious since your owl yesterday…"

Hermione laughed nervously, "I'm sorry i couldn't be more informative Poppy, but there's far too much to tell, i figured it'd be far easier speaking to you in person."

Poppy smiled warmly, lifting her hand inviting Hermione to continue. Hermione took in a deep breath. She wiggled her feet out of her trainers and slipped them underneath her, picking up her refilled tea. After talking it over with Alula she figured she'd come and talk to Poppy before anyone else. She knew that Snape was fairly close with the mediwitch from past conversations and she didn't feel comfortable approaching Harry about it just yet.

"Right. Well. You know Julez and i went to Manchester for the weekend, to catch up and celebrate my birthday?" Poppy nodded. "It was the most ridiculous thing… and could only happen to me, Poppy. You see…." Hermione couldn't help but grin and shake her head while thinking back at the true absurdity of it and now on the brink of telling Poppy, made the whole thing more real. "There's not another way i can say it, so i'll be blunt. While in a pub, in Manchester, The Professor Snape saved me from having my drink spiked and got into a mini fight with someone while in the process."

Poppy's eyebrows crinkled and her head went back in confusion.

"And then shortly after that i found myself in his garden while i was hiding from someone…." Poppy's mouth flew open, her face making Hermione giggle.

"And get this!" Hermione quickly huffed out. "Professor Snape. He—he invited me in for a cup of tea - which i had to make! And then after no time at all he threw me out.. !"

"Goodness", Poppy said softly slightly in shock. "In Manchester? Hermione, you're sure.. ?"

"Quite, quite sure Poppy. It was him."

Poppy placed her tea on the table and was silent for a while, "Where in Manchester is he?"

"Eccles. It's not too far from Manchester itself. Julez has a friend there, who happened to live right next door to him. I mean, the arse end of nowhere.."

Poppy shook her head in confusion, "Eccles…. I—How did he look Hermione, was he ok?"

Hermione looked away, remembering the Snape she'd seen less than a week ago. "I—I couldn't say." Poppy leant forward with a worried look on her face. "He's occluding too regularly and probably for long periods, i could tell that much just from looking at him. He's thin, pale… His nose looks much the same, as does his hair. His body language was.. different. I remember so clearly Snape stalking the corridors with an impeccable posture and pose but the Snape in Eccles was less… Snape and.. more human, i guess. It's hard to judge from spending such a short time with him Poppy, i don't know." Hermione closed her eyes focusing on the image of him peering at her just before she left. "If it wasn't for his blood shot and red rimmed eyes i'd say he looked pretty much okay. Just different somehow." She shrugged. "If he's Occluding that much then something's not right. You only Occlude that much to suppress certain things and it could be a great number of things with him."

"It couldn't be drugs making his eyes like that?" Poppy replied.

Hermione bit her lip, thinking. "It could be a possibility but it just looked far too familiar. Draco was exactly the same when he came to me."

Poppy paused and pondered for a second, "He's no stranger to recreational drugs, Hermione. Especially when he'd been at home…" Hermione hummed in thought. "And what about his home?"

"Immaculate, just like a show home. It wasn't cosy per se, well, it was a darn sight better than my flat. That's what was so unusual about it though, i know he's a half-blood but you'd expect some traces of evidence that a magical person is living there but there wasn't any. The books i saw were all Muggle, i didn't see his wand. He must have used Nox inside the pub but other than that…"

"Wards?" Poppy asked.

"Again, not that i felt. But that doesn't mean there wasn't any."

Poppy wiped her hands down her skirt and looked nervous for a moment. "You say he threw you out? What happened?"

"Yes, he told me to come inside after i'd skipped over into his garden hiding from a guy that followed me outside. He didn't say much once we were in his kitchen, he made himself tea, poured mine and then went into his lounge. I made my drink and joined him, he chastised me a bit for not taking a seat then he asked me about what i did now. Oh! He has a mobile phone! He received a text from the pub landlord while i was there, barring him."

Poppy shook her head and tutted, "For goodness sake."

"Snape told him where to go, don't worry," Hermione sniffed in amusement. "It was all pretty pleasant. And that's certainly not a word i would have thought i'd use about being in Snape's company. It was shortly after then he decided he wanted me out, made what i think was excuse at hearing my friends next door asking where i'd gone. That's when his mood changed. I reached out for his arm before i left and i could have called him all the names under the sun and he wouldn't have noticed. He completely froze at my touch."

"Oh Severus…" Poppy sighed, bringing her hand to her mouth. "Did you say anything to trigger the change in mood?"

"No. He initiated the conversation and he was fine, it wasn't unenjoyable. I experienced, mostly, a much more pleasant version of the man. He knew that i was Occluding too - which i was only slightly, due to the circumstance." Poppy nodded. "He dodged all the questions i asked him and then he'd said that next door were looking for me, and i left." Hermione's face scrunched up in embarrassment, throwing her hands over her eyes "Oh no, i forgot i did that… Stupid Gryffindor…"

"Dare i ask?"

"I found a little dutch courage and left him my business card..."

"Ah. Well, that indeed was brave. I do wonder if he's still in contact with anyone in the magical world…" the mediwitch sighed sadly and sat back in her chair. "I was in St Mungo's, you know, when they brought Lucius in after he was released from Azkaban? I believe they were on the front of The Prophet for a while?" Hermione nodded. "It was by chance that i was seeing someone about a new potion supplier that afternoon and lo and behold, there was Severus. Leaning outside of, i realised after, Lucius' room looking completely… stricken. I was in so much shock at seeing him that, bugger me, i could barely move. By the time my senses came back to me it was watching him get further and further away from me. He'd left. I send him owls a couple of times a year." Poppy looked down into her mug. "He's never responded of course."

Hermione leaned forward in her chair and placed her hand on Poppy's arm, "Is there history between you both, Poppy?"

The mediwitch nodded solemnly. "Oh yes, i suppose you could say so. I looked after him, you see. He was always in and out of here with one ailment or another but i think most of the time he just wanted to have some company, poor soul. And it was like that right up until the end. The final two years were just horrendous for him Hermione, i couldn't even begin to tell you…" Poppy sniffed and dabbed her nose with her hankercheif. "Look at me snivelling, but oh that boy… It's why i couldn't do anything at St Mungo's, i was an avalanche of every emotion you could think of seeing him again."

Hermione smiled encouragingly rubbing Poppy's arm, "I'm not the least bit surprised. If i didn't Occlude my way out of mine i'd have been much the same i think." Hermione refilled their cups of tea, the pot being kept toasty under a warming charm. Hermione thought about what Poppy had said for a little while, both of them finding comfort in their silence. A few moments later Hermione had an idea.

"You should go and see him." Hermione said matter of factly. Poppy's eyes shot up over her tea, "I can give you the address."

Poppy slowly placed her cup down looking slightly nervous, "Oh, i don't know Hermione."

"I was his most annoying student, who was best friends with his most despised student, who made his life ten times harder than it should have been throughout my school years, who also left him for dead when he was actually still alive and yet he somehow, looked out for me in the pub, invited me into his own home, and had a civilised conversation with me. After what you've just told me Poppy, he'd hardly send you away."

Poppy bit her lip thinking it over. "Hermione, would you mind if i see if Minerva is available? I'd like to consult her on this."

Not 5 minutes later Poppy called for a fresh pot of tea with an extra mug. Hermione nipped out to the eerily quiet hospital wing to grab another chair for Minerva, trying not to linger around the bed Ron was on after he'd been poisoned for too long, memories desperately trying reign her in. She'd just sat down herself when Poppy's floo roared to life and in came Minerva - elegant as ever - who moved quickly to give Hermione a hug. She must have observed Poppy's subdued mood over Hermione's shoulder.

"Why do i get the feeling like this occasion requires more than just tea?" Minerva spoke in question.

Poppy smiled wearily, "It very well may after what Hermione's about to tell you. Could you do the honours?"

* * *

And so she did. Hermione told Minerva exactly what she'd just told Poppy, about every moment she could remember from the minute she'd stepped through the gloomy pub in Manchester, to going home that Sunday night. What Snape was wearing, his eyes, what books she saw, if she'd seen his bite scars… The questioning never stopped. Hermione wish she'd dumped the whole memory in a bloody Pensieve by the time the questions came to a halt.

Minerva jolted the mood by swiftly pulled some Firewhiskey out of her robe pocket and pouring them each a measure, in freshly acciod tumblers. "I always trust my instincts," she said, winking at Hermione, handing them all a glass. Hermione looked up at them both and mused they must look like the 3 brooding witches. Which they definitely were right now.

She'd learnt a lot about Snape's relationship with Minerva tonight too. Turns out they weren't entirely at each others throats all of the time like Hermione had assumed. Minerva had likened Snape to an 'insufferable uncle you care for who also drives you around the ruddy bend'. Oh, Minerva had definitely spent most of the time despising him, but she'd also told Hermione of the nights they'd drank themselves silly playing Exploding Snap in her quarters, which surprised Hermione massively. Minerva explained there were times, and mostly as a result of them both disagreeing with Albus, that they'd come together in shared annoyance at the man and got along, albeit briefly.

Minerva was, like Hermione, feeling several bouts of guilt when it came to Snape. Although they didn't get on and they both treated each other horrendously at times, hours of thinking had indeed healed and Minerva was overall pleased that Hermione had found his whereabouts. She too had reached out to the Ministry to see if they'd had any idea as to where exactly Snape was residing after the war was over but had been informed all of their potential leads had turned to dust and so after a while they'd eventually knocked the idea of finding him on the head.

She was also worried about him too and the real issue now was what they were going to do next. All three of them agreed that they'd keep this information strictly between them for the time being. It would be up to Snape's discretion if he wanted anyone else to know.. which came to the current matter of discussion about how he'd find out that Minerva and Poppy knew where he was.

"Poppy, you're the only one who can go." Minerva said softly, for the third time this evening, holding Poppy's hand. "He trusted you throughout his school years and professional life, you were the mother figure he never had. He was probably just as overwhelmed as you were in the hospital and —infuriating man— ran away. You know how overwhelmed he used to get."

Hermione was sympathetic towards the mediwitch, who was obviously very nervous at the prospect of seeing him. Although she never voiced it, she rather thought that perhaps Snape was a bit of a son figure in her life as much as she was a mother in his. It made Hermione feel a bit better to know he had someone, at least, throughout his life who was stable and able to provide comfort and a funny sort of friendship. He deserved that much at the very least, and she agreed that he deserved that now, too.

"We'll come with you, perhaps wait in the pub—"

"Uhm—" Hermione interjected holding up a finger. Minerva gave her a sharp look that stopped Hermione in her tracks.

"If anything happens Poppy, we'll be there."

"We will." Hermione responded brightly, although she was slightly worried of possibly going back to that pub again.

It took a few moments but Poppy straightened in her seat looking at them with intent. "Oh bugger it, i'm thinking about it too much. I'll go. But you needn't be hanging around causing mischief, i can quite handle myself and i can certainly handle Severus if i need to."

"Excellent!" said Minerva clapping her hands together.

"When do you think you can go Poppy?" Hermione asked.

Poppy rubbed her bottom lip thoughtfully, "Not immediately. He's only just had the company of Hermione, i don't think we should overwhelm him so soon. But, well, it all depends on when my boss can spare me…" she said playfully winking at Minerva.

Minerva rolled her eyes playfully at Hermione and Hermione grinned at her former professor. "Mondays are your quietest days, is that correct?"

"If there's not been a Quidditch match the weekend before i'm not usually all that busy down here, no. Providing there's no accidents, Monday's are kept as brewing days for me so a Monday would be preferable. I'll get Dot to come in from St Mungo's to cover for me Minerva."

Minerva stood, "Excellent. There's a Quidditch match Saturday, so perhaps not Monday coming. The Monday after looks good to me Poppy, if memory serves. I'll have to check when i get back to the office and i'll confirm tomorrow morning but we can aim for then." Poppy nooded and they both stood to say goodnight to the headmistress. "Right, i best be off. I've things to do before tomorrow and it's already very late and i find Hermione, that with my old age i get rather weary anytime past 8 or 9pm these days. It was wonderful to see you and well done for finding our needle in a haystack."

Hermione laughed and bid Minerva farewell and found she too was rather tired herself. She wrote down Snape's address for Poppy who folded it up and locked it in her drawer under her desk.

"Poppy, you will let me know won't you, how it goes? I don't think i'll be able to settle all day thinking about it.."

"My dear, of course. We'll see how it goes - perhaps we can meet again here, with Minerva, so i can liaise with you both?" Hermione nodded and Poppy places a hand on Hermione's cheek, "And thank you."

She made her way back to her office, luckily having a fireplace connected to the Floo Network, and collapsed on her couch. Hermione pulled a blanket off the back of the sofa and stared up into her charmed ceiling, wandlessly turning off the lights (except for the trusty moon light) and lost herself in the stars.

All she could do now was wait.

* * *

 _Firstly, thank you all for the follows, favs and reviews so far. Those notifications definitely keep me going!_

 _FrancineHibiscus, you'll be reading more about the therapy room soon! catsgotmytongue, Mmmm, 'fraid not - she's just a bit nosey!_

 _With thanks to Padme.G, Bruna Fights Back, Snapesphoeniks, Onyx Obsidian, Gladius.88 and sassyluv for taking time to drop me a review also!_

 _You'll learn more about Lucius, and we'll delve more into the histories of both Minerva and Poppy re: Snape soon. But next it's Poppy's turn to go exploring..._


	4. Pause - China White

**Still don't own anything that is JK's.**

 **Beware! This is a warning that his chapter contains drug use. Entirely skippable for those who see fit.**

* * *

"Gather round children, gather round! Chop chop! And you Bert! This is something you should see, here look!"

"Bloomin' state o' that, Mary Poppins! He be all cuckoo!"

"Cuck-oo! Cuck-oo"

Laughter. Laughter. Laughter. Laughter.

"What a pleasant gentlemen you are Bert. The finest!"

"You know i don't like flattery Mary Poppins!"

"Now, now..."

"Who put its nose out of joint?"

"Children, listen up! Go get your rollers and ski's this instant, we're taking it for a ride!"

Laughter.

"I don't know, Michael…"

"What else can we do? We can't love it. We certainly can't fuck it."

"We can't go over it.. !"

"We can't go under it.. !"

"We'll have to go through it!"

 _But i don't exist._

"Michael, Bert, i will not be rushed! Jane, you can look but you must not touch. Who knows what it's infected with."

"What is it Mary Poppins?"

"A vile, disgusting shred of humanity, Jane."

"The worst, i heard."

"W-worst?"

"Spit at it, go on Michael!"

"Oh, isn't it stomach-churning? Some truly squicky find. Squicky and icky! Grotty and potty!"

Music.

Laughter.

"Who's in charge here? I must speak with the commander at once!"

"It's fine, squire, or is it? Maybe not as we know it…"

Kettle whistles.

Shouting

"I said commander!"

"Will you listen for once!"

"They didn't deserve to win."

"You boy!"

"Terrible tactics on the boss' part."

"He's been doing all the bloody work!"

"And had no one to play with!"

"Oh he had someone to play with, the mad man!"

"Loopy!"

Laughter

"Poor show old Bean!"

"This is the good shit, the top fucking banana!"

"And guess what?"

"Oh don't keep me waiting!"

"They've found him now."

"No!"

"Strewth!"

"You're pulling my leg!"

"No hiding now pal!"

Laughter.

"Fancy that!"

"Disappear! I did that once."

"Too much effort, is there anyone with sense here?"

"Sense! Give over!"

"We're all mad here!"

"I know all about the work that happens here, the madness and all his sleazy ways."

"What did you say now?"

"You won't find me telling tales out of school, Mary Poppins!"

"Quiet boy!"

"We can start a war right here and now if he does it, don't let him say it!"

"What? Not all that gooey stuff!"

Laugher.

"The L word?"

Love.

"Don't be such a grass!"

"Liar, liar, pants on fire!"

Heaving.

"I's not!"

"How did we get here anyways? Did we get faced with an unusual problem?"

Awwwing.

"Did he?"

"What's most unusual is, it's the most usual issue."

"Typical."

"Will one of you please shut those nincompoops up!"

"On it sir, sorry sir, Captain Mannering sir!"

"Well done, sir. What an honour it is to work with you, sir."

"Will you shut it, Pike boy!"

"Let me take the brunt of the impact, Captain Mannering sir. My bones are kinder to me than yours."

Breathe.

"I'm sorry to say… i've been fatally wounded."

 _Do i exist._

"Let's look on the bright side of life shall we?"

"Thank goodness."

"He can't think!"

"He doesn't exist!"

"A relief, i think."

"I mean what…. a….. wonderful…. gentleman…"

"What a fucking… useless... piece of... shit…"

"The heinous crimes, the things he did…"

"Did we spit on him?"

"Is he mad?"

Calm.

"Can we spit on him?"

"Ghastly!"

"Sick."

"Whose side were you really on, eh?"

"Evil, evil."

"Hate!"

Clarity.

"Hate.."

"Your fucking guts."

 _I'm so tired._

"I'm sick of these people!"

"I don't want to be alone.."

Shouting.

"Would one of you just help me!"

"Please…"

Please.

Sobbing.

"Shhhh, come now."

"That was a nice little fix though, wasn't it dear?"

"Oh yes! My veins might burst from your kiss!"

"It all makes much more sense, doesn't it?"

"It's not that nice though. I've changed my mind."

"Your mind is full."

"My mind is full of tiny butterflies!"

"And white noise!"

"The liberty.. !"

"Look, do yourself a favour, eh?"

"Go on you bastard! Fuck me!"

Severus shifted his weight.

"Oh, he's alive now! Twinkle, twinkle, sunshine!"

"Mary fucking Poppins!"

"She's not still 'ere?"

"Are we supposed to be impressed? Are we?"

"Everyone at your stations! This is the commander speaking! At your stations, now!"

Severus swung one leg over the bed, feeling for the table on his bed side for a water, a beer, anything.

"What's incredible about this and they always do it—"

"I know what you're going to say—!"

"I said.. ! You know what's incredible about this, and they… always do it.."

Yawn.

"Think they can come along all willy nilly and just bury themselves alive!"

"I knew it!"

"Disgusting."

 _Be quiet._

"Sick in the head!"

"Always relying on us."

"Can't fix you."

"Jim'll fix it."

Laughter.

"Fuck. You."

"Don't look down now, sir. No, no no no, no."

"Commander, stop him!"

"I'm afraid it's too late!"

"Here we go.. !"

 _I don't exist._

Singing.

"I have no legs. I have no arms."

"Oh, we know this one Pike, come along now! I can take off the skin!"

 _You don't exist._

"I'm very, very thin. I can open my mouth so wide!"

 _Stop._

"I can curl up nice and tight. I can put up a decent fight!"

"I can kill a man on command and give you a fright!"

"We've—we've never got this far before, sir?"

"And i be slithering, slithering… slithering…"

"… Sir?"

"And hiss, hiss… hiss…"

"Commander!"

"And us snakes we'll be... whispering.. whispering.."

"Corporal?"

"Put up a darn good show too, i'd say!"

"Aha, you're not wrong!"

"What am i?"

"Unless you're fooling him."

"Not me though!"

"Nor me, oh no."

"Never fooled me once."

"Twice"

"Get this you scoundrel!"

"She never loved you either!"

 _Ahhhhh…_

"Snake!"

"And we hate you too, you greasy…. fucking… animal."

"Therein lies the rub.."

"But they can smell you!"

"To sleep perchance to dream.."

Together.

"I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor!"

"I'm being... swallowed.. by.. by a….. boa constrictor…"

"And he don't like it that much!"

Laughter.

Severus sat up sharply in bed and looked aghast at his television which was blaring out at an ungodly volume. He swiped his hand at it calmly, "Just fuck off the lot you."

Severus felt desperately around the sheets - he couldn't put up with it any longer. His breathing was a touch unsteady but his eyes were sharp to focus this time. _What time was it anyway? Must be on my way down now._ A pillow fell to the floor with a thud, and something light clattered to the floor with it. _There!_ He reached down, almost passing out at the light-heady feeling that rushed to the front of his head. Hazily he felt for it, then for the correct button. His hands were shaking and he realised he was sweating buckets too. The room fell silent, finally. He shuffled back onto the bed and rubbed his face with his hands wiping away the moisture around his eyes and clutched at his bedsheets, the clarity of his bedroom coming back to him.

He sighed then, berating himself deeply for attempting to fall asleep on an acid trip.

And for doing so with the television on.

And for not just going with the fucking china white.

* * *

 _Poor Severus..._

 _I wanted to write him on a drug trip as soon as i started this fic, it took a few attempts but this was the best way for me to try and tell it how i imagine it. Bloody Sunday night tv eh?_

 _To clarify, this took place the Sunday Hermione left Manchester for London, so we've skipped back a bit but i didn't want to write it in too soon. We had to see exactly where he was at before the next chapter really, which will be about Poppy's adventure up north._

 _Thanks again for all the reviews overnight on the last chapter! They are a delightful notification to receive on the ol' dog and bone._


	5. IV - 18 Fir Street

_Still borrowing the from J.K for a while..._

* * *

 _Well, it's not that bad_ Poppy thought solemnly as she apparated into a 'Lewis Street' in Eccles, right by a school. It was an overcast dreary day in Manchester, much like it was at Hogwarts this morning and it rather reflected Poppy's mood. She was apprehensive to say the least. Minerva had strode into the hospital wing before breakfast telling her she'd taken the morning off to escort Poppy. They'd had a bit of a squabble at that and Poppy was pleased that she'd won the debate. There was really no need for Minerva to leave the castle, especially to play her bodyguard. She was mildly useful at helping Poppy transfigure her mediwitch uniform into more suitable Muggle outfit though, but she did appreciate the sentiment. Because now here she was, staring down Fir Street at the small row of houses, and she could have done with a bit of a moral support.

There was an odd array of homes here, Poppy reflected as she looked around. She was a little surprised to see children, approx nine to twelve years old, zipping in and out of parked cars on their bikes. It was 10'o clock in the morning on a Monday - they should definitely be in school. It wasn't very warm either and they weren't wearing anything more than track pants and jumpers. One of them whooped loudly cycling past her - effective - as it acted as the boost she needed. She pulled out the now crumpled piece of paper that Hermione had given her, checking again for the 10th time. She look in a deep breath, tied her coat a bit tighter around her waist and walked with intent, looking for number 18.

It took no time at all to find it because it was one of the first houses she came to on her left. She found suddenly, looking at the black front door with a gold number 18 hanging on it, that she was having second thoughts. Both curtains were closed in the downstairs and upstairs window and like Hermione, she certainly wasn't feeling any magical buzz that you'd normally find on a magical persons home. She stood back off of the pavement in-between two cars, acutely aware that if she hovered for much longer she'd start sensing some curtain twitching coming from the neighbours. She took a deep breath and cast a "Homonum Revelio". Nothing happened and Poppy was quietly put out. It doesn't work best outside of a space anyway but it would have helped her to know beforehand if he was there.

 _No use dilly dallying_ , she thought and swiftly rushed up to his door, knowing if it wasn't with this breath it may not be the next, and rapped the door three times.

She waited and listened. Nothing. She let a few more seconds pass and she tried again, this time 4 louder knocks. Again, nothing. Sighing in frustration she decided to try once more. This time she knocked in three short successions. Well, it would have been three except the third died in mid air, because at that moment the thick black door swung open and standing behind it was the man she'd come here for.

"Wh—.."

Poppy's breath caught in her throat, the pair stunned into silence, mirroring what happened in St Mungo's. Poppy fought the urge to let the happiness of finally seeing him colour her face but it came as quickly as it went. She gently let her hand -that was still mid knock- fall. Severus faintly cleared his throat and leant his left arm on the wall, steadying himself. He bowed his head and his hair moved to cover his features: not before Poppy saw him closing his eyes and take a deep breath.

He looked a sorry sight. He was wearing a black shirt which he'd obviously been wearing while decorating at some point because it was faded to almost grey in some parts and speckled with white paint. He wore a pair of blue jeans, that looked about as tatty and old as the shirt did, and briefly as her gaze flicked over him she noticed the slippers Hermione spoke of. Poppy composed herself and took a tentative step forward, "Severus, may i come in?"

Severus shifted his weight and brought his hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes. Poppy noticed then that his hand was shaking. A door banged next door, and Severus looked up sharply, cautiously peering over Poppy's shoulder. An elderly gentleman wearing a news boy cap passed by Severus' door, nodding at them both in a greeting before going on his way.

"I'm alone," Poppy said reassuringly, guessing he needed to know. He nodded scarcely and stepped back then, opening the door to her. She hesitated for a second, hovering as she passed him in the hallway and peered up at him. He was looking down at his feet but his gaze briefly found hers as she paused and she smiled ever so slightly in thanks, and then made her way towards the only door on the left that led to his living room.

Hermione was correct in her description, his lounge was spotless. It was dark where he had the curtains drawn, the only source of light coming from a reading lamp by a couch closest to the window. It was a stark contrast to the living arrangements she was used to him having. The white walls made the small, thin room appear bigger and brighter. And you could indeed see the walls - potions and books lined his quarters at Hogwarts, but they were no where to be seen here.

He stepped past her and knelt on the sofa to open the curtains, she noted he was a little stiff as he stood and faced her, gesturing towards a reading chair and Poppy gladly sat down. It struck her that he hadn't used magic to do something as simple as opening the curtains, but decided any questions on that could wait until later.

Severus cleared his throat, putting his hands into his pockets, "I'll put the kettle on then." She nodded in acknowledgement. His voice was different, a lot more rough and ragged than she remembered and it made her wonder if perhaps he had a cold or it was the aftermath of the snake bite he received. She was sure something like that could well affect the vocal chords. His movement stalled her thoughts as he headed towards the kitchen behind her, but stopped just as he was passing her.

"Is it... still two sugars?" She peered up at him able to get a good look at his face at last. His eyes _were_ red, she clarified, more bloodshot than anything.

"None," she smiled. "I've managed to ween myself off over the years." She smiled at him and he nodded before setting off towards the kitchen. Poppy placed her handbag down on the floor beside her and made to undo her coat, listening intently at the sounds of the tea making coming from the kitchen behind her. No house elves either, then. She placed her jacket on top of her bag and sat back more comfortably in the chair. She found it wasn't the most comfortable reading chair but she certainly wasn't going to grumble. She used the short time that Severus was occupied to be tactfully nosey. Everything did indeed seem new, which was curious as the outside of the house itself did not appear as up to date as the inside. The fireplace was far too clean for regular use, so he wasn't using it as a floo and she doubted it was connected - at least not legally. Indeed the room looked just as Hermione had described.

The noise in the kitchen ceased and Severus placed Poppy's hot drink on the small table beside her and moved to place his on the coffee table in the middle of the room, sitting himself on the couch opposite. Severus sat with his legs crossed, and gave Poppy a questioning glance, tracing his bottom lip with his finger. It had been a while since she sat under his slippery gaze, and it felt almost surreal to be in his presence again after years of wishing for it. It was difficult at first but she needed to take him all in and she noticed his hands weren't shaking now at least and Poppy wondered if she'd caused him to have a small bout of anxiety when he'd seen her.

"Who else knows of this address?" he asked with a faint edge to his voice, clearing his throat.

"Just Hermione and myself."

Poppy watched as he relaxed slightly, "Can you inform Miss Granger that i'd like it to be kept that way…" Severus leant forward and picked up his tea, his gaze flicked to hers briefly looking vaguely sheepish. "… please."

"Yes, of course. And that's _Doctor_ Granger to you now," Poppy said, testing the waters.

Severus traced the rim of his mug with his finger. "Apparently so," he muttered indifferently looking at Poppy with a guarded gaze. "The fact i was stumbled upon, by sheer bad luck on my part, _accidentally_ by Miss Granger is one thing… But that doesn't explain why you are here now." He eyed her cautiously as he took a sip.

It was funny to her how easily she slipped into being so comfortable with him again. She'd not seen him for years and she was already finding herself tutting at him, rolling her eyes and feeling like she needed to give him a stern talking to. Poppy sighed impatiently ignoring his glance, "I think you know why, Severus. And you can wipe that look off your face as well. _Why_ did i make sure to check on you if i hadn't seen you for a few days in your school years? _Why_ did i often chase you up when you were teaching? _Why_ did i continue sending you letters over the last few years despite not once getting a response from you?" Poppy picked up her tea, avoiding his eyes, "You're an intelligent man dear, i don't think i need to say it."

He shifted in his seat, the scowl on his face tightened before it loosened slightly but not enough to convey him being at all relaxed. His eyes dropped, in what Poppy always took, as defeat. This behaviour was something she was experienced in. She always likened it to that of an animal, his hackles would go up at the first sign of her wanting to come anywhere near him and he'd slowly take his guard down enough for her to 'mother' him. Although it wasn't ever a good thing, she was pleased that at least that hadn't changed about him and he hadn't marched her out. Because as she watched him, she started to notice a few things. He was skinnier than she'd ever seen him, which was worrying as he was barely his ideal weight at school. She saw bruises on his ankle joint that was sticking out of his worn old slipper and she hadn't any clue what that could be. The bruises were far too precise to be an accident and they were yellowing. She could feel his eyes on her, so she met them, and they too were not the same. Yes, they were indeed red and bloodshot but they had a glaze about them. His voice was not what it was either, a lot quieter and less commanding and he seemed the need to clear his throat after every sentence.

She placed her tea on the coffee table in front and crossed her legs meeting his gaze once more.

"So you've come to mother me then?" he spoke fiercely. "It was never welcome then and it most certainly isn't now."

Poppy rolled her eyes. "Come off it, Severus. You know your viciousness never worked on me, it didn't then and _it most certainly doesn't now._ "

He kept his eyes trained on her and wandlessly summoned a bottle of Muggle whiskey, pouring a measurable amount of it in his mug, gulping some back, staring at Poppy the whole time. Poppy found it rather immature of him - it was like he was egging her on to say something or to stop him. He sat back, crossing his legs at the ankle and Poppy stood up quickly and leant across the table taking the whiskey herself and smugly dropped a small amount into her own mug.

"Old friends?" she said teasingly, lifting her glass in the air before making herself comfortable once more. Severus scoffed, switching his legs over as he did so.

"So then dear, what brought you to Eccles?"

Severus sighed and rubbed at his forehead, pausing for a moment. He gave Poppy a small once over, clutching his eyes shut in annoyance. Poppy wondered if he was battling with himself on if he should trust her. Trust wasn't really ever an issue between them. From the moment he stepped into the wing, although she fought for his trust for the first few times, he was young, and far more trusting than he was as he got older, but once she'd she'd had it, it had never gone away. He didn't tell her everything, in fact barely anything at all during the war, but she didn't need to know and she certainly didn't if _he_ didn't want her to. But what they had was platonic. The only thing in the way now was time. Time changes things and she hoped, and if she was a praying woman - prayed, she still had a foot in.

It was quiet for a little while as Poppy waited but Severus sat up a little straighter in his chair and cleared his throat, "It was cheap."

Poppy stopped a smile from forming but her heart warmed. _Thank you._ "However did you afford it?"

"Sold the family home in Cokeworth. Despised the place, as you well know. Sold it for more than it was worth. And here i am." He gestured to the room, his words lacking any emotion.

"It's nice dear. Everything looks brand new."

"Astute observation." he replied sharply, regretting his tone immediately. He shrugged, "Doing this place up gave me something to do."

Poppy nodded in understanding, "You did it all by yourself?"

"Mostly," he replied softly, tracing his bottom lip with his finger. "Plumbing turned out not to be my forte but it's amazing who you meet in the pub."

"So i hear," she laughed. His lip twitched into something Poppy would have taken as a smile, but it faded as quickly as it came.

"And here i was, thinking the days of Miss Granger plaguing me were over…"

Poppy laughed breezily, "The irony is not lost on Hermione, i can tell you."

Severus grunted at that, swirling the liquid around in his mug, looking at it irritably. Poppy let the silence fall upon them as she watched him, deciding to let the conversation slide for a while. She took her own liquor and sipped, swallowing the thick, potent liquid through squinted eyes - she never was one for whiskey. Severus swigged his like it was water, closing his eyes as he did so. His liver wasn't in the best of states at school and she dreaded to think what state it was in now. If he was this comfortable with alcohol and happy to consume it before lunchtime, it can't be a healthy one.

Severus' eyes snapped up at her and he abruptly stopped his twirling, concern clouded his face as his gaze moved just past her, appearing to think hard about something. He put his mug down and shifted himself to the edge of the couch, propping his elbows on his knees.

"Wh-What day is it?", he asked her in concern.

Poppy appeared confused for a moment before copying him, moving so she too was perched on the corner of the reading chair, "Monday, Severus. It's Monday."

Severus looked bewildered, "Why aren't you at.. the school? Are you still…?"

"Yes, i'm still there dear." He relaxed, "I took the day off."

He looked at her intently and for the first time Poppy thought she caught a flicker of confusion across his face before he slunk back into the sofa, looking somewhat irked.

It was at that moment that the sunlight streamed through his window, lighting up the lounge and turning it into a different room entirely. The light reflected off the bottle of whiskey forming orange bursts over the fireplace and both of them found themselves staring at it. Severus peered over his shoulder acknowledging the quick change in weather, staying there for a short while, letting the sun fall on his face. Poppy could see him better in this light. The dark circles under his eyes were bulging like balls, giving the impression of extreme tiredness and something like sadness. His skin was blotching in places, his hair was dry and damaged, with a fair few grey hairs in there now but it wasn't that that unnerved her. At this angle she could plainly see two angry red scars on his neck.

She stood hastily crossing the distance between them and sat on the couch closest to him, turning slowly to face him. He still had his eyes closed and she could have been fooled into thinking he had fallen asleep if it wasn't for his toes tapping a nervous beat hidden previously by the coffee table.

She sighed, "Severus, how…" His toes stopped moving. "How _are_ you?"

The rhythm started up, in his knee this time, making his entire leg shudder. Poppy watched his face as his eyes opened slowly and his lips turned up into a disgusted grimace. Anyone else would have dropped the question and she scolded herself briefly but pursing her lips and straightening she stood her ground, preparing herself for his rebuke. His lips quirked up at the side and he made a rumbling sound in his chest, and to Poppy's surprise, he started to laugh.

"Severus, really." Poppy rolled her eyes at him, tutting, listening as the deep rumbles, which his heart wasn't in, began to fade. "There's no need to mock me. I haven't seen you for the best part of, what, 7 years? We, _you_ especially, have been through an awful lot and i want to know how you are doing."

He glanced at her before reaching to drain the whiskey left in his glass, "I believe if any of us were _okay_ , Miss Granger would be a tad out of business.." he drawled lazily.

"True enough," she conceded, puffing out in defeat. "Which reminds me. You were very hospitable towards Hermione, dear. Which was a slight surprise to us all, as you can imagine."

He dismissed her idly with his hand, "I wasn't being _hospitable_ to Miss Granger, i was merely high. And _obviously_ not in the right frame of mind."

"And one cannot be kind _and high_ at the same time?" Poppy tutted in realisation, "Severus, are you high right now?"

"My well being is no longer of your concern." he replied nonchalantly.

"That's nonsense and you know it."

He hummed noncommittally, reaching to fill his cup with whiskey.

Poppy had to admit to herself that she was frustrated. It had been a while since she last had a conversation with Severus and had forgotten how difficult he could be. He would forever dodge her questions and she'd have to decipher his responses as if they were code. Even when he trusted her, he could still be a pain in the arse.

Severus clutched his mouth together, making his jaw jut out at his cheeks. His leg was still shaking and he continued to swirl his glass. These small actions gave away his hand in the end and Poppy concluded that he was, most likely, high or had been this morning. If he was high, as she now thought he was, it did explain a few things. She was half expecting him to dismiss her, or be cross with her at some point about something, it didn't ever have to be anything for him to become angry and the fact he didn't, _and_ also reacted well when Hermione had found herself here, then he probably was telling the truth. It would explain his red eyes… Perhaps Hermione was wrong about him over Occluding. Poppy looked curiously at his ankles at the marks there. She hadn't dealt with drug use from anyone except with him when he used to come back from Death Eater gatherings inebriated, mostly mixing drugs and alcohol but she'd never seen any marks on his ankles like that. Nor had his eyes been so red. She mentally noted them for something to think about as she didn't want to scare him away with her questions.

Poppy admitted to herself that she was now extremely worried. She didn't enjoy seeing him like this and truth is, he _shouldn't_ be like this, not any more. She fiddled loosley with her cuffs finding the right thing to say. There was some things Severus could only believe if he heard it. "I'm here, as i think we have established but i will say so aloud anyway, because my feelings towards you are unchanged, Severus. I have no ulterior motive, i'm no— Look, I understand if you wish me to go, i'm no longer someone you should just put up with but you should know this," she sighed, catching at a loose thread on her skirt. "I care about you very, very much." He lifted his hand to his face and rubbed slowly at his eyebrow. "You know i tried to find you after the war? A lot of us did. You didn't make it very easy for us," she laughed nervously. "When i saw you in the hospital, i didn't know what to do, what to say… It felt as though the wind had been taken right out of me." Poppy sniffed. "I wish i could have said something to you, done anything at all. But i didn't. I let you go. Again." She realised at some stage her hand had clutched at his forearm, rubbing with her thumb as she spoke. "You know i've always been on your team."

Severus was pinching the bridge of his nose, so she couldn't entirely see his reaction but she knew she was starting to get emotional herself and Severus probably didn't appreciate it so she let her hand drop into her lap.

Severus's hand swept down his nose to his lips, wiping at the dryness of his mouth. He opened his eyes and took a deep breath, opening his mouth slightly as he did so. He too sat forward and took a shot of the alcohol, and Poppy wanted to laugh. She's not a big drinker, especially not at this time of day, but it acted as the small dutch courage they both obviously needed.

They sat in silence for a long time after that. Severus moved, resting his elbows on his knees with his hands clutched, rubbing the left one with his thumb, looking down between his feet, which had stopped twitching.

Poppy couldn't say how long they sat there for, it could have been 5 minutes, it could have been 30. She got lost in thoughts of her own, all of Severus and the small, insignificant memories she had of him that decided to make an appearance now. There was one particular Saturday she remembered. It was a Hogsmeade weekend, and it was Severus' years first visit there. She recalled it was a bit before lunch when she heard a gentle knock at her office door and there stood Severus, with a rather large chocoball in hand, offering it to her. She'd told him to keep it for himself, but he was insistent and stubborn with her even then, so she obliged. It was such a small, sweet gesture, especially when she remembered he didn't come from a very wealthy family so had probably spent all the money he'd got for that year alone, that she smiled to herself at the memory.

She looked up to watch him now. He was watching her too, his face lacking any emotion at all. Poppy understood that this blankness could be mistaken for Occlusion but she still wasn't sure. His gaze shifted slightly as they locked eyes for a moment, and Poppy was taken aback when he held it, albeit nervously.

Severus cleared his throat, "Yes."

Poppy crinkled her forehead in confusion. Severus looked away and sat back in his chair crossing his legs, sighing as he did so. "To answer your question. I am indeed, or at least i was shortly before you arrived, high. I'd say i have returned to a more or less normal functioning state. There may be some lingering after-effects, but i am not currently, at this moment, _technically..._ high." He stated blandly, idly picked at a loose thread on his jeans. Poppy noted how his mood seemed to have picked up suddenly.

"I see…"

Severus eyed her quickly, catching her questioning and worried stare. "I happened to overhear a rather curious tale from a regular down the pub, who happens to grow his own, and very good i may add, Marijuana. And being the Slytherin i am, i made a deal. I get a gram or two whenever i wish, for my silence."

"And is that something to be smirking about, Severus?" Poppy asked questionably.

He barked a small laugh and peered at her in amusement, "Oh yes, i think i really _have_ missed your mothering."

Poppy rolled her eyes and huffed at him - she found herself sniffing the air. "Well, i can't smell anything."

"And nor would you, those charms of ours sure do _work like a charm._ "

"I suppose me asking you to stop smoking that god awful stuff will fall on deaf ears?"

Severus sniffed facetiously at her, "Why would i stop when it's one of a few things that helps me relax?"

"Why would you need help to relax, Severus?" Poppy asked calmly.

"That will do." He said, impatiently standing up and vanishing both their glasses and the whiskey. He walked a little way, leaning his arm just above his fire place, turning his back to Poppy.

"Okay," she spoke reassuringly. She knew he was going to have enough of her at some point, and frankly it could have been a lot earlier than now. She stood herself, and went to fetch her coat and handbag by the reading chair. "I'll leave you be, i think. Thank you for letting me in, i've enjoyed seeing you."

Severus grunted and took a deep breath, turning to face her. "Where did you apparate in?"

"An alleyway by the school, just up there," she pointed out of his window.

He shook his head and acciod a jacket of his own. "Don't walk along there again, not without me. I'll take you a safer route and you'll use it again if… " He slowed his movements and took his time putting his jacket on, which looked nicer than the clothes he was currently wearing - a puffy black coat with a fur hood. He looked troubled and Poppy, who had been ready to leave for a few minutes watched him.

"The 'if' is entirely down to you dear," Poppy said, smiling weakly at him.

He took a black knitted hat out of his pocket and pulled it on his head, tucking his hair down the side - the action some sort of distraction from his thoughts she guessed. He exhaled and caught her eyes.

"Not for… a while." Severus spoke quietly, "I haven't seen anyone from our world for a very long time. Seeing Granger... it brought back a lot of, shall we say, unwanted baggage." Poppy reached out and rubbed his upper arm, nodding in a silent understanding. He looked at her awkwardly, pursing his lips, "Your letters were… appreciated. I just couldn't—"

"It's okay, Severus."

He sniffed, bending down to tie his shoelaces, "It's not, actually. You gave me no reason at all to ignore you and i am aware of that. It's a pity but my head has been wedged so far up my own arse i'm surprised i've seen any daylight at all." The side of his lip moved into a slight smile. A smile! Poppy could do nothing else but smile wildly in response, her own had been itching to appear since she was stood at his front door only an hour or so ago.

"Your analogies always were so colourful." He stood and pushed his lips together. " _Write to me_ , Severus. I will owl you in a couple of weeks. Don't let that blasted thing leave until it has your response. And there's no rush." He nodded sincerely, closing the door behind him.

The pair walked in silence. Severus took her a slightly longer route to the way she came. They walked past the alleyway completely and up past the school out onto the main road. They alighted by an old bingo hall and crossed the road towards a very pretty looking old church, the irony of a funeral service being located opposite amused Poppy, as she made a sound of bemusement. Severus led them down the side of the church where he stopped half way down the street and perched on the wall outside, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket and wandlessly lighting it. He looked incredibly boyish blowing his smoke up into the air, swinging his feet over the side. He flicked his head over the road behind the funeral service by a set of flats.

"You can apparate down there. They're all crack heads and drunks around here, they won't notice a thing." Poppy looked at him aghast. "I'll meet you here," he paused slightly. "Next time."

Poppy nodded and adjusted her jacket slightly and hooked her hand bag over her arm. "Yes, next time," she said warmly. She turned, looking both ways to cross the road and disappeared under some trees, there was a moment or two before Severus heard a loud crack of her apparation. He took a long drag of his cigarette, taking his time blowing out the long plume of smoke and stubbed it out on the wall as he jumped down. He flicked his cigarette stub into a drain and coughed, wiping his hand over his mouth. He pulled his hat down over his eye brows and headed down the road towards the nearest pub.

* * *

I divorced this chapter for 2/3 weeks but we just recently got back together and things seem to be going well.

Thanks again for all the reviews and story favs! Very, very appreciated!

Mel, 'China White' is a street name for a very pure form of heroin :/.

Padme.G, catsgotmytongue, FrancineHibiscus (tripping balls, eh-yes!), Aglaonema - thank you for dropping a review!

Last chapter was a difficult one. I think ol' Sev is a bit more with it today, but who knows what the next few days will bring...


	6. X - Gaffer

_Hey, i bet you thought i wasn't ever gunna come back! Well, here i be! This fic isn't going anywhere. God, do i sympathise with other fic writers when i used to sit and wonder what the hell was taking them so long to update their fics... I get it now! Life, eh! Also, i'm not sure if anyone else finds this but i've found that these long dark winter days are perfect for indulging in Severus Snape. I tried to write a few times during the summer months but just could not get my head there. However, these cold autumnal/winter days... it's much easier to work with him! I always knew he wasn't a summer kind of guy. Anyway, consider this my Christmas gift to my readers, who despite the long gap have left one or two comments asking for more. I appreciate it very much. This is, pretty much, my first fic and is very much a learning curve for me so all the comments really do mean an awful lot!_

 _I doubt i will be giving another update this year, so i will see you next year... sometime before Summer hopefully!_

 _I do not own... it all belongs to J.K... etc etc._

 ** _V - Gaffer_**

* * *

Severus was perched on the same church wall where she'd last left him smoking a cigarette when Poppy returned 3 weeks later. He'd eventually replied to her owl Friday evening with a note that simply said, ' _Monday, 11am_ '. It didn't give her much time to think about coming to see him again and so today, she didn't come with any plan in mind at all.

She was pleased to see him in the distance but those thoughts were dashed fairly quickly when she got closer and saw how put out he looked. He was fidgeting with his lighter and was swinging his legs with much greater force, kicking his heels hard into the wall. He didn't look up from his hands or his lighter when she approached, nor did he greet her. He jumped off the wall and proceeded down the road towards his home with his signature scowl on his face without a backwards glance. Poppy found she was mildly disappointed, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and shuffled along behind him.

As they walked in silence and Poppy conceded she wasn't going to get a hello from him at all so she found her eyes wandering to her surroundings. It was another dreary, wet day - thankfully it wasn't raining now but it looked like it had and was threatening to. Everyone they passed had their hoods up and heads down, a look that was rather reminiscent of the Death Eaters and Poppy shivered. Their body language was cold and unwelcome and Severus, well, today he fit right in. Poppy noticed after the fourth passer by that no one looked at each other here. She was astounded any of them knew where they were going as most of them stared blankly with thumbs sliding across buttons on their mobile phones and one or two brushed by her as they passed pushing her close to the road because they weren't paying attention. She rushed a little to walk in line with Severus who was paying no mind at all to her slower pace and noticed that he too had out a mobile phone and was tapping away.

She sighed, that was one thing Poppy was ignorant of - mobile phones. She'd heard the Muggle children at the school talk about them as a means of communication and had marvelled at how well Muggle technology had moved on since she was young and thought one day she would take a look at one, but looking at the people of Eccles and Severus now, she'd stick to her owl.

They came to a standstill when they got to Severus's front door and he grunted loudly, shoving his phone into his trouser pocket and fished out a door key, twisting it in the lock as he thrust into the hallway leaving Poppy alone in the street. The only way she could tell he'd acknowledged her existence at all was the fact he'd left the door open.

When she entered his living room she lamented at the sight of him. He was sat on the couch by the window like last time, with his legs crossed and his hand at his face, leaning his cheek against his finger with his eyes shut.

"Hello Severus! Yes, i'm not bad thank you, how are you? The journey was quite pleasant and yes, i'd love a cup of tea!" Poppy beamed sarcastically.

Severus slowly rolled open his tired eyes, "The kitchen is there, and within it is the kettle. There's a little button on the—"

"As baffling as it may seem dear, i do know how to use a kettle. What i'm unsure of however, is if you'd rather i left you to it today?"

Severus closed his eyes again, shrugging his shoulders. Poppy perched on the arm of the reading chair and watched him as he quickly started to fall sleep. She couldn't deny she wasn't shocked by it. She had simply never seen Severus so willingly fall asleep and so fast. He was always the one wandering corridors late at night into the early morning - it was common knowledge! Severus's sleeping patterns were horrendous and seeing him now, his stomach slowly rising and falling with each breath, it concerned her.

Poppy twisted the button around on her coat as she decided what to do. She looked around and noticed the house wasn't quite as tidy as it was the first time she was here. The table in the middle of the living room was cluttered with dirty cups and mugs and the ashtray was full with cigarette butts. It didn't smell nice this time either - smoke and damp mixed with a certain muskiness she wasn't familiar with. The curtains were drawn and the lamp was emanating a dim warmth from the corner of the room. The house itself was reflecting the general mood of the people outside. Poppy peered at Severus again, whose head was slowly lolling to the side and worried about how long it had been since he'd last slept.

With one swift motion she unbuttoned her coat and draped it behind the reading chair before making up her mind and setting to work.

* * *

A couple of hours had drifted by when Severus stirred. He'd fallen asleep on his side so Poppy magically levitated his legs onto the couch with him and used the blanket that was draped over the top of the sofa to cover his legs. Even then she was baffled how he didn't flinch. She cast several silencing spells and pottered off into the kitchen. She gathered the mugs and cutlery and washed them up by hand (something she hadn't done for many, many years). She did use cleansing charms but had discovered some dirty linen in the washing machine and, although had some trouble turning the thing on, had managed to wash the clothes that were in it. She was tempted to magically dry the clothes and fold them too but thought it was perhaps a touch too familiar for Severus at this stage, especially when she couldn't guess what mood he would be in when he awoke.

She discovered an empty fridge when she attempted to make a cup of tea for herself. She could hardly send for any food with no elves and dismayed there wasn't even a splash of milk either, she stuck the kettle on anyway preferring to do things the Muggle way and made herself a cup of black tea. Despite the emptiness of his fridge she did find a cupboard that was full of tea bags, coffee and biscuits - she had to chuckle at that. Instead she made them both black coffees and settled onto the couch opposite Severus, noting he'd not moved from the position she left him in. Not wanting to disturb him she carefully placed her mug in front of her on the coffee table, casting a warming charm on it. She reached underneath her own chair and picked up the first book she found and began to read while listening to Severus' quiet breathing.

She was four chapters in to _'Educating Rita'_ when he awoke. She'd opened his curtains slightly to let in a bit of day light some time ago, so Severus found himself squinting a few times before sitting upright and stretching. He looked slightly awkward when he spotted Poppy, his features surprisingly absent of any emotion.

He slowed his movements and cleared this throat. "How long have i been asleep?"

"Almost 2 hours."

He nodded and turned his face, Poppy thought in a subtle embarrassment. He peeled off the blanket stopping abruptly when he saw his table no longer had dirty mugs and glasses strewn across it and he eyed Poppy with annoyance clouding his face. She saw him shut his eyes to calm himself and he reached down and pulled the packet of cigarettes towards him, flicking one quite precisely into his mouth. He stood and cleared his throat, digging into his trouser pocket for his lighter.

"I'll be a couple minutes."

She nodded, resting the book on her thigh and listened as he clicked the back door shut and faintly heard the flick of a hissing lighter.

When she heard him return and turn on the kettle and she joined him in the kitchen. He was leaning against the worktop with his eyes trained on the ground.

"Did you have a party?"

"Pardon?"

"There were an array of glasses, mugs and bottles lying about the place…"

Severus shifted uncomfortably and ran a hand through his hair, "I wish." Poppy was about to open her mouth for a retort when he lazily held his finger up in the air to stop her. "Don't."

"I were only going to ask that you invite me next time!" she winked. "I quite like a good party, as you know..." she smiled reassuringly.

He rolled his eyes and turned, taking two mugs out of the cupboard. "I assure you, you wouldn't want to be involved in any parties that happen around here."

"I'll be sure to let Miss Granger know that then."

Severus grunted and bent down to open his fridge, "Oh you… Fucking milk!" he growled.

"I'll take it black or grab a coffee Severus, it isn't a problem."

Severus growled in anger and stuck his head between his arms as he lent against his kitchen counter, hiding his face. His finger was tapping wildly and he whirled, kicking the fridge door shut as he pushed past Poppy into his lounge, stopping at a cabinet behind the reading chair and grabbing the first bottle he could find. He strode towards the couch and threw himself onto it, unscrewing the alcohol with his teeth and taking a large swig. He swallowed the liquid, and hissed at it in distaste. He eyed Poppy darkly, while he lazily wiped at his mouth, who was taking tentative steps into the lounge after him and he cleared his throat.

"So," he crossed his legs and faced her, "What does _Minerva_ think about her only mediwitch taking an occasional Monday off duty, during school term, to disappear for an hour or two?"

Poppy paused, translating his words as she carefully perched on the sofa next to him. One thing she always remembered with Severus is the layers of meaning he always held in his words, and exhausting how it was trying to pick them apart.

"Minerva thinks it's important that i take time to visit a friend, even if it does tend to be on a Monday morning and said friend can be a total pain in the backside."

Severus scoffed and turned away from her taking another swig of the alcohol. The alcohol Poppy could now make out as rum.

"You have all those biscuits and you _still_ have yet to offer me one?"

"If they're still in date, knock yourself out," he spoke with less venom this time and settled himself back into the sofa, uncrossing his legs. Poppy watched his knee as it started to bounce against the floor, and couldn't help but wonder idly about its sign. Poppy accioed the biscuits, double checking that they were indeed still in date and made her way to join him, placing a handful of the biscuits next to his rum.

Snape rolled his head towards Poppy's direction as she sat herself down and nodded towards the table. "That's hardly an inspired combination."

Poppy shrugged and smiled at herself as she dipped her biscuit into her black tea, gazing into the fireplace. "When one has a very uninspiring cupboard, you have to get creative." Severus glowered at her but chose not to respond as he whirled the alcohol around in his bottle watching it intently. It was silent again for a while, and Poppy noticed it had started to get dark and could hear faint rumbles of thunder in the distance. She peered towards Severus' windows and he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. He stood up and made his way over to the door by his hallway and switched on the ceiling light, dimming it with the knob.

"Would you like me to accio you a glass?" Poppy asked quietly, nodding at the bottle of rum in his hand.

Snape grunted and noticed his jaw clench. "If i wanted a glass, i'd have fetched myself a glass."

Poppy nodded and trained her eyes away from Severus, whose words had turned bitter again, and it made her pause. She swallowed the remainder of her biscuit wiping her skirt free of the crumbs and turned her attention carefully to the man next to her. She took time and tried as best she could to give him a slight once over without him noticing. She glanced at his arms, and then his waist, and then his ankles - in fact she had noticed the first time she came here that something was missing but it only dawned on her now exactly what. She peered at his face and found she wasn't subtle enough and he too was watching her and just like that his expression changed to his trademark scowl and he sharply looked away.

"Severus, dear… You see i can't help but have noticed…"

Severus reacted instantly and mumbled into his hands, rubbing violently at his forehead. "It's none of your fucking business!" he shouted. Poppy jumped back. She noticed immediately the regret in his eyes and his fingers were shaking. He closed his eyes and shook his head so his hair covered the sides of his face. She very quickly took note where his shirt sleeves were rolled down his arms, there were small yellow bruises along his forearm. Not many, two, no, three - and one on his wrist. His leg was twitching too and that was when she took in his form and noticed he was now scratching at his hair line with too greater force.

"Severus?" she asked worryingly, kneeling on the floor in front of him, closing the gap between them. She placed her hand on his shoulder and he flinched at her touch - she quickly took her hand away. "Severus, i apologise. Would you like me to leave?"

He flinched again and shook his head, leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees and was now burying the balls of his hands into his eye sockets. He wiped his eyes and brought his hands forward over his mouth. He caught eyes with her for a split second before closing them. Poppy fought with herself for a moment and was cursing herself she didn't immediately know what best to do - she simply hadn't seen him like this before. He was panicking, and she didn't know how best to handle it.

"Severus, please. What can i do?" she breathed.

He shuddered. "I don't…." His voice was quiet and shaky. "I don't know," he whispered, dropping his hands into his lap and wrapping them up in an anxious ball, squeezing his fingers until they had turned white. Poppy was taken back at his venerability. "I didn't mean to snap, it's…" he was breathing quickly and his voice was so raspy it caused him to cough.

"You need to breathe." Poppy spoke calmly and replaced her hand on his shoulder again - he didn't flinch this time but the beat in his leg kicked back up again and he shut his eyes. His coughing stopped and his hands came up and wiped at the corners of his eyes which Poppy saw were red and bloodshot.

"Severus, i'm going to take your pulse, okay?"

He didn't respond and she slowly reached for his right arm, lightly touching all the bruises and marks that she found there. His hands relaxed enough for him to let go and she took his arm into her lap and placed her two fingers between the bone and tendon in his arm. She was alarmed to see when she flipped his arm over at the state of his wrist. There were marks and scars that were not present at his time at Hogwarts and when she peered over at his left arm, all she could see was his faded Dark Mark. _Oh Severus_ , she thought as she started to mentally take note of his pulse.

She was barely 30 seconds in to her counting when he hissed and snatched his arm away from her. "What are you doing?!" he snarled, his lip curling as he spoke. "God, fucking Christ!" he yelled, pushing his hands into his eye socks once more. He leapt onto his feet and started pacing the small space in front of the fireplace. He started rubbing at his neck and pulled at the front buttons of his shirt, causing buttons to fling apart and take off into the air.

"Severus, stop! Sit down! Please. You need to take deep breaths."

Severus paused his pacing and wiped the beads of sweat off his face with his shattered hand. "I need a cigarette. I _need_ a cigarette."

"No, Severus, you're having a panic attack you need to-"

Severus gritted his teeth and turned to face Poppy. "I need a fucking cigarette!" he shouted, spitting his words. She jumped at the anger that so quickly clouded his face and recoiled slightly, stepping away from him. He watched her for a moment as she moved and he visibly sagged. He shut his eyes slowly and turned away from her leaning his head against the wall, and started to very slowly rock his forehead against it.

Poppy was stunned. If she didn't act quickly he was more than likely going to harm himself. She stood straight and blinked back her emotions and stepped towards him. She realised her wand was in her hand and quickly put it up her sleeve. She was loathed to use magic in such a sensitive moment like this.

"Severus, come and sit down now, dear. Sit down, take some big deep breaths. In and then out. You're going to do that for me, okay?"

He was breathing loudly now, and far too quickly but he did stop and stalled his forehead against the wall. He brought his hands up next to his head and shakily heaved himself off the wall, and to Poppy's relief, dropped into the reading chair closest to him. He looked a mess, his hair was stuck to his face due to the sweat and he was incredibly pale. His whole body was tense and shaking and he was struggling to catch his breath.

"Breathe slow and deep now, okay. In…" she took a deep breath in. "And then out," she blew slowly out. Severus' eyes were tightly closed but he mirrored her. She repeated the exercise again. "Keep that up for me. You're in control Severus. A big one in…. and then slowly out, okay?"

A few minutes ticked by as Severus got his breathing back to a normal state. Poppy knelt in front of him and took his pulse once more while he was distracted by his breathing. Being able to track it for a minute she was satisfied it was climbing down now and knelt at his feet.

He coughed after a few moments and reached into his trouser pocket, shakily pulling out an empty cigarette packet. He cursed under his breath and threw the packet onto the floor in front of him, narrowly missing her.

"I need a god damned cigarette," he said softly, wiping the beads of sweat from his forehead.

Poppy pursed her lips and pulled out her wand. Severus eyed it nervously. "Accio cigarettes." To Poppy's dismay one fell into her hands, it was slightly crumpled and limp. Severus picked it from her hand and stuffed it into his mouth and motioned to her wand.

"Light it will you."

Poppy sighed, but begrudgingly did as she was told and cast a _Verdillious_ ** _._** Severus took his hands and cupped it around the green flame, taking a big chug of smoke in. As he blew out the long plume, he shut his eyes and Poppy noticed he was no longer so visibly shaky. She sat for a little while, letting him finish the poor excuse that was a cigarette and tried not to roll her eyes as he stubbed it out on his own knee. She noticed his face now gained a few more shades of colour and annoyingly had to agree that the cigarette rather did the job.

"Fucking hell," he murmured, peering down at Poppy who was still kneeling at his feet. "Unless i've suddenly turned into the Dark Lord himself, there's no reason at all you should be practicing your best on floor chic."

At Poppy's hesitance he tutted and rolled his eyes. "I'm fine, witch. Now, please.." he pointed at the sofa and raised his eyebrow at her. She gave in and it took her a moment to regain feeling in her knees again, muttering under her breath but she pottered over to the couch and took a seat.

"Would you mind telling me what just happened?" she asked delicately.

His lip curled and he looked away, embarrassed. "I believe you surmised that i was having a panic attack," he drawled, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

"You think you wasn't?"

He turned his head towards her sharply. "How the _fuck_ would i know?" he spat.

Ignoring his viciousness, "Well, you were showing all the symptoms, so i think we can safely diagnose it as one, yes." She spoke softly, not letting his sudden change in mood affect her. "It's my fault. I should know not to pry and i'm sorry."

Severus cut her off. "It isn't…" he looked up and shut his eyes slowly, finding the words. "It's most likely a combination of things, Poppy." She bent forward to hear him better and observed him nervously fiddling with his own hands. "I don't know," he replied exhausted, sighing gently.

She didn't reply to that. She couldn't. She found herself peering down at the floor at the array of books by his feet as she took in exactly what he had just said.

"Severus?" She asked after some time in a moment of calm. His eyes, which were still shut, opened as he trained his gaze on Poppy, who for a moment looked troubled. "I'm getting old."

Severus grunted and shifted his head closing his eyes once again. "Pfft, hardly."

"No, i really am dear." She said in slight amusement, peering at his face and relaxing into his sofa. "That war. It aged me." Poppy said glumly. "I had to withdraw from my work at Mungo's. I was exhausted _all_ of the time, i could barely sleep. I was starting to make stupid, silly little mistakes in my work and my research and would find myself in a sweaty, trembling mess for no reason that i could pinpoint. Beneath the front and business, i was rather worried about myself. Luckily these mistakes were nothing serious, thank heavens."

Severus looked at her with a sullen look on his face. "Poppy.." She took a deep breath and eyed Severus, who was observing her attentively. "I'd rather we didn't."

Poppy paused and look at him in surprise. "Oh! I'm sorry dear, i didn't mean to…" she stuttered her words.

He held up his hand and stopped her, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back on to the couch once more. The room fell silent as Poppy thought about what he'd said. How foolish she was to bring up the war in the first place. She thought she could shoehorn in Hermione's practice and talk to him about ways he could help with his panic attacks. Clearly he didn't want to hear it and she was stupid herself for thinking she could bring it up. She had to admit she was feeling rather muddled herself, and for the first time in a long while felt quite affected by what had just happened.

He stood quickly, pausing Poppy's thoughts and walked past her towards the door. He grabbed his jacket and pulled it on.

Poppy wiped the regret from her face and stood too. "Where are you going?"

"The shop. I've just smoked my last cigarette." Severus grabbed Poppy's coat and threw it towards her, which she caught. "I don't suppose you have any Muggle money on you, do you?" Severus asked crossing his arms.

Poppy stared at Severus in surprise and shook her head.

"Good. Never come here with Muggle money, do you understand?"

Poppy nodded and quietly pulled her coat over her shoulders grabbing her bag. Not for the first time she was hesitant to leave Severus, but she held back all she could and remembered she was letting him take control. Severus bustled about at a cabinet, opening draws trying to find something. Maybe he was looking for money. He slammed a drawer shut, and pulled his black beanie over his head, zipping his coat to his chin and walked past Poppy and out into his hallway. She quickly checked she had everything, giving his front room a quick once over catching eye with the dirty cups from earlier and followed him.

He was waiting for her outside looking impatient. The clouds were now a dark shade of grey warning those below they were about to be caught up in its wrath. Severus was looking up and down his street but there was no one around, even the people of Eccles were smart enough to stay indoors.

Or so she thought. As she closed Severus' front door, the next door neighbour also appeared. A young, smartly dressed man with a backpack thrown over his shoulder. His eyes lit up at seeing them both.

"Oh shit, you scared me there!" he laughed, locking his door and turning towards them.

Poppy, who caught Severus' glance who was looking extremely irritated, laughed too. "Now, i may be old—"

"We're leaving." Severus said strongly, cutting Poppy off.

"Ere!" The man said, pointing past Poppy at Severus. "Ain't seen you in a while gaffer!"

Severus sighed in annoyance, slipping his hands into his jacket pockets. Poppy knew the signs of his patience starting to thin and it was written all over his face, except not everyone seemed to notice.

"Well, i always hear ya, mind." Severus ignored him completely. The man shoved his arm through the other strap of his backpack and grinned at her. Poppy wondered if this was the same man who Hermione's friend knew. She reminded herself to ask when she next saw Hermione. He seemed like a nice enough young man at first glance, although she wasn't sure Severus would agree.

Severus started walking towards the school and Poppy followed suit. The young man next door joined her and came to walk beside her. When he was in line he elbowed Poppy to get her attention.

"Are you, uh… Is he your friend then?" he whispered to her quietly, looking at Severus carefully.

"Oh yes, from old." Poppy smiled warmly, despite feeling slightly uneasy herself. She made sure to keep Severus close and in her sights as they walked past the school.

"Really, eh? Well, you definitely don't seem to be like the usual sort i see him with." he said softly, nodding at Severus warily.

"I see."

The young man held up his hands in defence, "I mean no offence Madam, but yeah." He scrutinised Poppy slightly and bit his lip. He frowned and leaned in to her face and stopped her. "If you are one of… them, then you're messing with the wrong fella and i could do without the aggro when i'm on shifts, alright? But... if you really ain't, well." He sighed, "Yer gotta look after him."

Severus stopped in his tracks, causing them both to stutter and pause. The man hurriedly looked between them both and snaked his way out onto the road avoiding them both.

"Anyway," he shouted over the road cheerfully, waving at them. "See you around Madam and uhh, see yer gaffer." He turned pulling his backpack tighter onto his shoulders and walked down the alleyway down the side of the school. Severus hadn't turned or acknowledged him at all, but he carried on walking, turning his head only slightly to see if Poppy was following behind him again. Poppy watched as the young man turned the corner at the end of the alley out of sight. What did he mean ' _one of them_ '? Who is _them_ and why? Poppy felt horribly tense at the encounter with the young man. _Look after him._

She sped up to catch up with Severus who had now reached the end of the road before her and noticed Severus looked thoroughly miserable. The high neck of his jacket hid his chin and his mouth but the furrow in his brow was ever present and the atmosphere was as sharp as a knife. They paused when they reached their meeting place, Severus was leaning against the wall staring at his feet. She took her hand and rested it on his shoulder briefly and smiled at him as warmly as she could. He met her eyes quickly but shifted taking the lighter out of his pocket and started fiddling with it.

"He seemed nice," Poppy said cautiously and Severus grunted. "Was that the house Hermione went to?"

Severus shrugged.

"Well, whoever he is, he seems nice enough."

"He's a prying pain in my ass."

"Well," Poppy said carefully. "He said—"

"He needs to learn to mind his bloody business," Severus snapped. He turned, and hesitated in front of Poppy. He locked eyes with her and she watched as his eyebrows furrowed and he turned his expression into one of nastiness in seconds. He lifted his finger up to her face, creasing his forehead in determination. "And so do you."

Poppy flinched back slightly. She blinked once, twice, three times and held his gaze. Slowly his shoulders dropped and he shut his eyes, loosening the tightness in his face. He brought his other hand up, which was trembling slightly, and pinched the bridge of his nose. His voice was shaky too.

"I've got somewhere i need to be. I'll…" He turned then, losing his footing a little as he did so and he turned, throwing his lighter into the grave yard as he walked briskly away.

* * *

Poppy was certainly the type who would proud herself on being a strong woman. Her time being a student nurse toughened her up inside and out and was an experience she will never, ever forget. The first two years were the most important, for she witnessed her first death; a women who was under her care but who she could do nothing else for except keep her comfortable. She still remembered. There were also far many more who she stitched up and helped fix, who are out there now living their lives as happy as can be. She remembered those too. The thing that linked those who died and those who lived were the fight that boiled in of her belly. Somewhere, somehow deep inside her she had the courage and the balls she never knew she had until she started her career and even now, she never really knew where those feelings came from. The fight and the terror-stricken feeling she would get in the pit of her stomach every time the wing door would open, it would overcome her before her adrenaline would kick in and together they'd come together and she'd be a woman on a mission.

What she never considered though, was that she'd only meet one of her old friends, The Terror, while on her way to see Severus.

She was scared, in shock and alone. They'd taken her bag; more fool them because it had absolutely nothing in it save a bag of tissues and some hard boiled sweets. And Severus was no where to be seen. She had spooked them apparating in to her usual location, and although they were high, she could tell from their eyes, they'd wanted her money. She didn't have any money, she told them over and over. And yet, they grabbed her bag, pushed her to the ground - her head scraped along the wall as she fell - and took off. Poppy had the power of all the most deviously apt spells to have fought the pair and got away, but it all happened so fast she didn't have time to think and The Fight was hiding away looking incredibly sheepish.

There was a faint pop nearby and Poppy lifted her head, trying to focus her blurred gaze.

"Poppy! Oh my goodness!"

"Hermione, is that you dear? I'm incredibly sorry, i panic sent that spell." Poppy tried to stand, feeling Hermione's hands push her back into a seated position. "We must… We aren't safe here."

"I'll stun anyone who dares try it Poppy, we're okay for now. Let me check you over."

Poppy felt Hermione cast an invisibility spell, causing them both to disappear to anyone who might stumble upon them, as well as a few others which Poppy was grateful, including a warming spell as she realised perhaps it was the shock or the cold weather, that she was shaking. Hermione sighed and placed a comforting hand on Poppy's shoulder, worry and relief written on her face. "You're fine. A little cut there," she pointed to Poppy's left cheek. "But you're in shock more than anything, i think." Poppy nodded, feeling her heart rate come back to a normal pace now she had someone familiar with her.

Poppy huffed and slowly got herself up and standing, with Hermione's guiding hands to help. "I'm so sorry to have disturbed you. You should get back, no doubt i interrupted one of your sessions."

"Poppy, it's fine. Alula's rescheduled the rest of my appointments today."

Poppy winced. "Oh goodness, what a pickle Hermione, i am sorry."

Hermione put her arm around Poppy pulling her tightly in to her. "Come now, let's get you back for some rest and you can tell me what exactly happened," she replied softly.

"That can wait dear. Severus should have been here to meet me. I tried to contact him first, thinking he was closest but that was some time ago now. I'm worried something—" Poppy squinted and blinked slowly as she watched as a man clad in all black stumbled into view, clinging onto the wall at the church. He stopped and sharply brought his head up to look at the sky, his movements were lazy, his neck couldn't hold the weight of his head he leaned back and took in a deep breath. As he turned to face their direction he paused. He shifted forward, almost falling on his face as he did so, and wiped his hair away out of his eyes and tucked it underneath his hat. His expression changed, sensing them and Hermione gasped

"Oh for crying out—"

Hermione stood in shock and her mouth fell open as they both stared at his drunken form. "… Is that?" Hermione uttered exasperated. Her sentence fell in mid air as Poppy cancelled the invisibility spell and marched towards the man by the wall, who didn't look at all surprised to see them. Hermione followed suit and mentally shook herself to remain impassive as they drew closer to him.

"Severus!" Poppy hissed in a whisper, grabbing his arm and pulling him upright. Hermione quickly scanned the street before they crossed it, looking to see if anyone was around and thankfully couldn't detect anyone. But after what had happened to Poppy - she was on high alert. As she drew closer to the pair she couldn't quite believe her eyes. Snape was utterly inebriated. She could smell the whiskey on him already and one of the first things she noticed were his droopy eyes - he was clearly having trouble keeping them open - and his inability to stand properly proved he had most definitely spent the night and probably the morning drinking. Poor Poppy was using all her strength she had keeping him upright which wasn't exactly ideal, especially after her fall. Hermione immediately appeared at the other side of Snape to help alleviate the weight of the man put on Poppy and she struggled at first finding the best way to hold him up. She heaved his arm over her shoulders, wrapping her other arm around his waist. She voiced her discomfort when Snape seemed to lean all his weight against her.

"Severus, if you could stop moving for two moments!" Poppy commanded.

"Feather- light." Hermione huffed in Poppy's direction, heaving Snape upright to keep him from toppling over on top of her. "Any time… now Poppy…."

Luckily Poppy always kept her wand sheathed and not in her now missing hand bag, but it felt like minutes rather than seconds before she finally felt his weight shift. "Hold on Hermione," Poppy shouted and there was a familiar snap as they found themselves whirling through time briefly. As they came to an abrupt halt they found themselves back in the same place they apparated from by the wall of the church.

"Bugger it!" Poppy said loudly, annoyed that she'd forgotten Severus had enabled anti-apparition into his home. There was a gagging sound coming from the man next to her which distracted her briefly and Hermione pulled away slightly listening to Snape wretch and sympathised slightly as she wouldn't like to be apparated that drunk, especially side-along. Nothing came up thankfully but he attempted to grab his arms away from the witches with a growl. The movement caused him to lose his footing so Hermione wrestled with him again so he could lean on the wall behind him.

Poppy threw her free hand in the air in defeat, "We can't exactly take him to Hogwarts!"

"Let's just go to my office." Hermione replied breathlessly. "No one is there right now and we can apparate in and out fine if i do it. Get ready."

Hermione could just about hear the mumbles of "For fuck sake..." from Severus before she managed to take her wand out and side-along apparated them into her office.

Luckily they landed where they did, as they all lost their balance and tumbled backwards onto the couch. Poppy lifted the weight charm and the both of them stood, their movements much quicker than Snape's who was still struggling to sit upright. He looked furious, well, at least he was attempting to be. There was only so much fury a man a man could show who was a) this drunk and b) unable to sit up and c) trying not to vomit. Hermione acciod a disposable sick bowl ( _oh, the advantage to having her practice located in Mungo's_ ) and handed it straight to Poppy. She had perched herself on the arm of the couch with her arm around Severus trying to pull him upright, who was now retching into the bowl she held out for him. He still managed to convey his fury, looking up at Hermione under his hooded eyes and she immediately got the message.

She decided it was best to leave her office, whispering to Poppy she would go and fetch some tea and give them a little bit of space and privacy.

"Where the fuck are we?" Snape slurred from the couch, his lips curling in anger. "And why am i here with…. you two? God, I need a drink." He lifted his head and stared transfixed for a moment at her ceiling. Hermione peered skywards and spotted it was unchanged from earlier - a clear nights sky. There was even a satellite travelling across it and Snape too followed with his eyes. "Unnecessary," he said, sighing heavily. Hermione slightly rolled her eyes at him, hiding a smile and nodded at Poppy who found themselves in a mutual unspoken understanding that indeed she would be fetching him a drink, the potion type rather than the alcoholic one.

"I'll make sure to get you a double Si-Severus, don't you worry." She winked at Poppy who was about to tell her off. Snape had closed his eyes in irritation and pulled his hat over his eyes, waving her away clumsily.

"10 points… to Gryffindor…"

* * *

It took her longer than she had planned to fetch some potions and grab some warm drinks as the hospital was busier than usual tonight. She'd bumped into her nursing friend at the potion counter who decided she wanted to catch up right at the moment the nurse handed Hermione her potions, which raised some curious questions from her friend. And to make matters worse, she bumped into Phillip on the way back too. She was leaving the kitchens, levitating a busy tray with an array of potions, teas and foods when he shouted after her. He asked her out to dinner after work and Hermione had brushed him off - for the first time ever - telling him today wasn't really a good time. She'd apologised, leaving him deflated in the hallway. This excited her all the way back to her reception because it was the first time he'd approached her to ask her out socially, and bugger the timing of it.

She slowed her pace as she neared her offices and mentally Occluded as she saw fit. She was now a dab hand at bringing forward her mental shields and taking them away like it was a pair of old socks. It was a skill that she mastered during University. The small excitement that rumbled in her belly which was left over from her small encounter with Philip soon tucked itself away as she took a deep breath outside her door.

She entered her reception as silently as she could, wandlessly locking the door behind her. Poppy was now sitting next to Snape who at some point had removed his hat which was thrown onto her coffee table. She came to a standstill as she saw Snape leaning on his knees shaking his head irritably.

"St Mungo's? You brought me to St fucking Mungo's? Are you stark raving mad girl?"

Hermione calmly set down the tray and pulled out the chair from under Alula's desk sitting in it, avoiding Snape's gaze. _Well this is the Snape i remember_ , she thought. She was frankly surprised that it had taken him this long to sharpen his tongue. Hermione had more or less prepared herself for this sort of reaction ever since she first laid eyes on him. Her completely unbothered persona seemed to irritate him though as he staggered around the table towards her with a bit more speed than she anticipated.

"Severus!" Poppy shouted, rushing to stand by Hermione's desk watching him in concern. "We couldn't exactly walk you home. Not after what happened! We're safe here!"

"You should have just left me be!" The shout caused Snape's voice to crack and he steadied himself on Hermione's desk while he attempted to fight off a dry cough that had all encompassed him. He stayed there for a moment attempting to catch his breath, his nostrils were wide as he attempted to stare Poppy down who had gone to his side as soon as his coughing fit started. The Mediwitch kept her soft eyes trained on him and slowly lifted her arm onto Severus' back giving him the lightest of taps. His cough seemed to exhaust him as he stood for a while with his arms outstretched balancing himself on the desk, trying to catch his breath. He stayed there for several moments, until his breathing seemed to normalise and he reached for a bottle of water on the tray and uncapped the lid, chugging half the bottle in short succession. He raised one eye at the items on the tray. Clearing his throat, he straightened up, his eyes slowly coming up to meet Hermione's as he turned the lid tightly back onto the water bottle, which was already magically refilling itself.

Hermione shivered at his stare. She was almost, almost, sent back to being thirteen again in his classroom, preparing herself for whatever hurtful line he was going to growl at her next, but she found there was something missing in that look she was so well accustomed to. The anger he first showed her and flittered away. Her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head just slightly in wonder at him. His sluggish blinking certainly took away most of the viciousness he was trying to propel and Hermione suddenly found a little bit of dutch courage. She laid back in her chair, making sure she never looked away and smiled at him. It wasn't one of her absurd toothy grins, just one side of her mouth raised slightly in a muted smirk.

He snorted at her boldness and his top lip shifted too, in what Hermione was sure was supposed to be an attempt at his famous sneer, but actually turned more into the same sort of smile she had just given him.

He shook his head and turned wearily towards Poppy and paused. He cleared this throat, taking another long look at Poppy's face. She had dropped her arms and he watched as Poppy made her way back to the sofa, tapping the empty space next to her inviting Severus to join her. After a few moments he nodded and followed suit, motioning towards the sober-up potions as he went by. "If they're for me, they won't work," he said plainly.

Hermione relaxed feeling the atmosphere change to one of normality as she poured out three cups of tea. He sat down slowly, wincing slightly as he sat back against the sofa. He took in a deep breath, taking a little peek up towards the sky before rolling his head over to look at Poppy. Hermione saw a slither of regret in Snape's expression and it made her pause.

"I… did that?" he spoke carefully, gesturing to Poppy's face, his hand lingering in the air for a while before dropping it into his lap.

Poppy and Hermione exchanged a look of surprise and Hermione's forehead crinkled in confusion. "What dear? Goodness, no! That wasn't you. Crikey, Severus. No!"

Severus shut his eyes in relief and turned his attention towards Hermione, pinning her with a look that needed answers.

"Poppy sent me her Patronus to tell me she'd been attacked. I dropped everything and came to her. I've no further details either."

"Wha-? You… were attacked?" Severus pinned his shocked drunken gaze onto Poppy. Hermione spotted the worry on Snape's face and Poppy shifted uncomfortably, touching the scratch which was now dried red with blood - it probably needed a good clean. Which reminded Hermione. She accoiod some wound-cleaning potion from the tray she fetched earlier and she knelt down beside Poppy, dabbing some of the purple liquid onto the wound. It smoked a tiny bit and Poppy winced. Hermione made sure to check there were no other cuts, even standing to make sure there wasn't any on her head and checked her hands for any bruises or gashes. She ignored Poppy trying to shoo her away. Once she was satisfied she set down their cups of tea for them all, deciding to move and sit in the chair opposite them both while Poppy explained what had occurred earlier.

Snape listened intently to Poppy's story about a man and woman, who she remembered were quite young and who had spotted her immediately after she apparated in. She assumed she'd scared them as they were huddled together in a corner at the next line of flats, fiddling with something she couldn't make out. She couldn't recall what either of them looked like in much detail, bar sports clothing and big puffer jackets, much to Snape's dismay who growled in anger next to her. Hermione doubted her statement and wondered if she knew exactly what they looked like but were hiding the information from Snape. He probably knew it too.

Hermione's gaze fell upon him again, who was distracting them both by wriggling in his seat. She couldn't tear her eyes away from her former teacher who was inelegantly slumped in the couch. He had his head leaning against his hand, which was supposed to be helping hold his head upright but he was fighting with his own head weight and Hermione could see his constant lazy blinking as he struggled to focus. He was wearing a pair of sports trousers and trainers, which looked like they had seen better days, and a rather nice looking thin black coat which he had zipped all the way up to his neck, concealing his scars she noticed. Poppy had managed to deter any further questioning from Snape by asking him questions of her own, which was proving difficult because as well as not being able to sit still, he could barely concentrate on anything to give her a straight answer.

Poppy was also distracted by the ants in his pants and noticed his knee was tapping out a familiar rhythm again. Noticing the signs of an incoming panic she touched his knee. "Severus, are you all right?"

Suddenly he leaned forward, trying to focus on Hermione. A fight seemed to seep out of him far too quickly and he took a deep breath, swallowing hard. "Bathroom, Granger?" he croaked out, holding his hand over his mouth.

Alarmed, Hermione pointed to the door to the right of her reception and before her, or even Poppy could stand to assist him, he was already there, the door slamming behind him leaving the witches exchanging glances of sadness and concern with one another. Poppy used the time to Accio some new potions in, something Hermione could not do as an unqualified Medi-witch, and sent away the sober-up potions seeing as they would be useless. She too was concerned at the knowledge that they no longer worked for him, both knew it would have to be under extreme regular use and for some time for them to cease working.

Hermione couldn't help but wonder about how much he must have drunk to get himself into this state. She couldn't remember the last time she'd drank so much that she could barely hold her head up. In fact she doubted she'd ever been that drunk in her life. After an awful experience when she was young she recognised her limits. As soon as the room started spinning she knew it was going to be a one way ticket to a night in the bathroom, which was never enjoyable on any level. She decided he couldn't possibly find his current condition enjoyable - if she watched his movements long enough she was starting to feel dizzy herself. Forget the world spinning, his world must be doing back flips and loop-the-loops.

Ten minutes ticked by and both witches had ran out of things to occupy themselves with. Poppy had set out her potions in a certain order on the coffee table and they'd both drained their cups of tea. They now found themselves stood next to one another leaning against Alula's desk, both of them trained towards the bathroom for Severus's return.

Keeping one eyes on the door, Poppy spoke in a whisper, telling Hermione she almost wished he would vomit and get it all out of his system.

Hermione shook her head woefully and as if on cue, both the witches heads pricked up at the sound of retching and heaving that emanated from said bathroom. Hermione flicked her wand silencing it, slightly troubled that it was not something Snape didn't automatically do, and both of them breathed a sigh of relief and they parted ways from their silent vigil.

Hermione rubbed at her eyes, surprised at how tried she felt. She knew it wasn't physical tiredness. She was mentally exhausted already. Her Occlusion was trying to tell her something so she sat down and closed her eyes, slowly let them slip- even if it was for a moment. She hadn't had a moment to process a thing that had occurred this morning - if she accepted some of her feelings now, she wasn't going to be drowning in them later. She quite literally blanched and her stomach dropped so dramatically that it caught in her throat, her eyes were tingling with threatening tears and she rapidly blinked them away. She was expecting her emotions to feel like an avalanche, her entire morning was filled with worry. First about Poppy, and now…. Snape. She knew he'd changed quite a bit since her school years, her experience with him in Manchester at the house party was proof of that and although Poppy had expressed her own worries about him with both her and Minerva, it was one thing hearing it and entirely another to witness it.

Drunk Snape wasn't at all guarded like his wound up old sober self. She would quite often sit and remember Snape during her studies especially learning Occlusion because to this day it still floored her. How the hell did he do it? Zipping himself up so tightly every single day at Hogwarts, under the most incredible pressure from both sides and not at all let it slip.. for all those years. Mentally, that would absolutely take its toll on you. He amazed her. But without a shadow of doubt she knew.. she knew it wouldn't be too presumptuous of her to assume that he was paying for it all now. After all, there was only so much someone can take and Snape… the things that were asked, only just the things she was aware of, well she couldn't even begin to imagine. She begged to differ all the pain and hurt he was hiding away and probably, she sighed thinking of him in there throwing up, drinking away too.

She opened her eyes, blinking back her tears as she watched clouds starting to gather in her sky, hiding the bright stars and darkening the room with it. She swallowed her emotions and carefully brought forward her shields again, giving herself the mental shakedown she needed. In her job she was often reminded of it but Merlin, now more than ever. _Life really was such a bitch._

* * *

:) KPx


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